Quote of the week

I've decided not to resurrect "Joke of the week". It was becoming a bit hard to constantly come up with side-splitting gags every single week and my repertoire was running short. So time to launch a new regular post, and one which I feel has considerably more mileage - "Quote of the week"! Or maybe even "quotes of the week"!

Yep, every week I'm gonna publish a choice quote/quotes...and I'd like all of YOU to contribute as well. So if you know of any juicy, quotes or one-liners then email them to me. I guess the boundary between quote and gags can get kinda blurred, as I often favour comments or remarks with a humorous, witty or bitchy edge...such as those below. Yes, I'm starting off with some quotes from one of the cattiest and most botox-infused of divas, Joan Rivers...quite a few truths in these I feel. Enjoy!!

"Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller".

"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins that the Chinese phone directory".

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio".

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash".

"My body is failing so fast, my gynaecologist wears a hard hat".

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it".

"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor".

"Paris Hilton? She's doing a new reality show - I'm a Celebrity, Get Him Out Of Me..."

"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I look like without plastic surgery".

"I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said: "Let me help you with those buttons" and I said "I'm completely naked".

"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress".

"I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again".