Homophobia - the worst disease...

"...you can't love who you want to love, in times like these" as Chumbawamba once so eloquently put it.

Post-housewarming party (hoorah - more on that one soon) and post-hangover (thank God) me and the hubbie watched “Brokeback Mountain” on DVD last night. A bit of a downbeat and sad end to an otherwise fun-filled weekend, but still rewarding viewing nevertheless.

I’d already seen “Brokeback” on the big screen but couldn’t resist snapping it up for a bargain price on DVD recently. A major incentive of course being the very sad and untimely death of Heath Ledger – this film boasts one of his best performances and I wanted to get it as a kind of tribute to him. Not to mention the fact that it’s a very interesting movie from a gay perspective.

In case you’ve been, um, up a mountain or working as a sheep herder on your lonesome, “Brokeback Mountain” is the story of two men, ranch hand Ennis del Mar and rodeo cowboy Jack Twist, who meet and fall in love on the fictional Brokeback Mountain in Wyoming, Western USA in 1963. The film documents their complex and sexual relationship over the next two twenty years, one complication being that, due to social and sexual pressures, they are both forced to marry women, yet still choose to carry on their clandestine affair. Another difficulty is geography, as Ennis and Jack both live far apart and liaisons are thus rare (on one occasion they don’t see each other for four years!) But the final and most arduous obstacle of all is homophobia, which (presumably) leads to the death of Jack at the end. This being 1963 and the American West, attitudes towards homosexuality were far from accepting and same-sex relations were generally regarded as an abomination.

Both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal do a fine job of portraying the tortured love affair of Ennis and Jack, and their intense frustration at the seemingly insurmountable barriers that prevent them from publicly expressing their love. What I like about the film is the “normalness” of the characters which makes for a refreshing change – there are no over-the-top, camp melodramatics here and not much “lovey-doveyness” between Ennis and Jack (although the latter is probably the more emotional of the two). They are portrayed as being two ordinary guys who just happen to be in love without a proper outlet for expressing their feelings and desires. Ledger’s Ennis is particularly true to life and you can really believe that men like him do exist – a person brim-full of anger, rage and frustration (he actually hits Jack a few times) yet with a sensitivity that is buried so deep it is rarely permitted to surface (e.g. at the movie's end, on his own, he clutches the dead Jack’s denim shirt to him and sobs – a very moving moment indeed). Which makes you realise that love between men can spring up in all kinds of places, in many different forms, and all those stories set on the gay scene in urban metropolises like London, San Francisco, New York etc provide a very small and narrow picture indeed.

The film also got me to thinking further– very obvious I know, but – how very different the experience of actually being gay can be across the world, not to mention how things have moved on considerably in only a few decades. After watching “Brokeback”, Gustavo and I couldn’t help remarking at how extremely fortunate we are to be living as we do now and not in Wyoming in the US in 1963. But in fact there are still many pockets of our supposedly enlightened society where bigoted and backward attitudes still prevail, with no signs of dissipating. To be openly gay (or for that matter, lesbian), to outwardly demonstrate one’s true sexuality, to form relationships with someone of the same sex, to show affection in public, to even be just known as gay – is still viewed as abhorrent by many.

As a 38 year old gay man, when I look back on my life, I’ve count myself as pretty lucky. DAMN lucky in actual fact. From age 7 onwards I grew up in York in North England. A lovely, historical city with a fair amount to see and do, but no gay scene or community so to speak. There was one pub next to the York Minster called “The York Arms” and apparently if you went through the door on the left entrance door that was the “gay side” of the pub. Mmm, great. I think there was a club which had a “gay friendly” night about once a month. That was pretty much about all there was on offer. Consequently I didn’t think there was much around to affirm my burgeoning sexuality and only properly “came out” once I moved away to the Midlands where I went to University – there was a Gay and Lesbian society there for students and for me, it was like an oasis in a desert. It was also where I met my first boyfriend. Years later I moved to Brighton on the South Coast which, with it’s extensive scene and community, is famed for being a gay “haven” and in general is a very “anything goes”, bohemian, accepting town. I had lots of positive experiences there which helped me to grow as a person. Fast forward to years later and I moved up to London which is where I’ve been ever since and eventually met Gustavo who is now my civil partner! (And I will have to tell you all the proper story of how we met one day, but the potted version is that he we didn’t meet in a bar or anything like that, he was my neighbour! Romance can spring up right on your doorstep eh!)

Anyway. The point I’m trying to arrive as is that I’ve had it pretty good and easy compared to some. And I should also add that nowhere can be viewed as entirely safe or accepting, unfortunately. I’m now living with Gustavo in an area of South-East London, which whilst not ultra-rough, could hardly be termed “posh” either – it’s somewhere in between. But I haven’t seen many gays or lesbians strutting around (okay – stereotype I know, as you can’t always tell who “is” or who “isn’t" and any existing friends of Dorothy in my locale aren't exactly likely to be seen roller-skating down the street in pink leotards to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor - for better or for worse). Also – and I am in no way being a racist here – a large proportion of the population where I live are black, and amongst some parts of the black community e.g. Jamaican culture, homosexuality is regarded as a major sin and an offence against God. Black men in particular regard being gay as a major slight on one’s masculinity and a sign of weakness – guys who take it up the a*se are termed “batty men” or “anti men”. And yeah, I’ve had this charming phrase shouted at me a good few times - nice. A few years ago I was walking down a street in North London holding Gustavo’s hand (perhaps a bit of a mistake given the area we were in) when two kids on bikes (one of them can have only been about 10 years old at the most) chased and threw a firework at us. Fortunately no damage was done but it still shook me and I learnt my lesson as a result.

As for where I’m living now, whilst I don’t exactly need to exit my front door wearing a riot shield or protective head gear, I also doubt that I'd walk down our local high street being openly demonstrative with my husband, for fear of something bad happening. Yet if I was walking down Old Compton Street in Soho kissing Gustavo or holding his hand, I doubt that anyone would so much as bat an eyelid. Probably flutter them in encouragement, more like.

In this age of civil partnerships and growing acceptance for lesbians and gays, this is not the way things should be. But regrettably it still DOES seem to be the way in certain circles.

As a result I’m very interested in knowing what kind of experiences my gay bloggers (of which I know there are several) have had during their respective lifetimes.

And at the risk of sounding discriminatory I’m more than happy to hear the views of my “straight” (ahem) bloggers too!

A strong topic for debate, yes?