Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Joke of the week #1

Okay, in a bid to spice up my blog and make it even more scintillating and saucy than before, I have decided to start doing some regular posts. Woohoo!

The first of which will be...drum roll... JOKE OF THE WEEK!! Yes, every week I promise to provide a hilarious and side-splitting piece of humour to brighten up even the dullest of days. Oh dear. That's quite a lot to live up to isn't it. I'll probably be inundated with complaints from "Angry of Acton" saying "Your joke this week wasn't remotely funny!" and stuff like that. Ah well. Can't please everyone. I will however, do my utmost to amuse.

I should add that I do possess a rather smutty and nefarious sense of humour, in case you hadn't already guessed. Hence the jokes which appear will probably be along these lines. Therefore if you are of delicate sensibilities and / or your name is Mary Whitehouse, please exit this blog NOW, take a paracetemol and have a nice lie down.

Anyway, I liked this one a lot...


A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.

Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000.

The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir,

Five years ago, when I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.

You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought about what you said and decided you were right. I had to change my name.

I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Yours sincerely,

Dick van Dyke".

!!!Love it!!!


  • At 8:05 am , Blogger Steve said...

    Doh! How slow am I? I didn't even see it coming...

  • At 2:30 pm , Blogger Old Cheeser said...

    That's the idea! When you don't get the punchline til the end it's even better...


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