You've got to speed it up #3

And finally, before the subject loses all possible relevance, I just wanted to share with you some of my favourite Eurovision ditties of the past. I have a rather splendid compilation CD containing some of these, and jolly good they are too...

Making Your Mind Up - Bucks Fizz. Two boys and two gals. A classic line-up which Scooch attempted to replicate this year but which didn't quite come off (probably owing to the fact that the guys looked like a pair of total queens who were more likely to run off with each other than the two girlies). "Making" was a veritable pop classic, with great opening percussive-shake-your-boom-boom bit, saucy saxophone and some deliciously cr*p hand movements (watch the video below for proof...) And the piece du resistance was the whip-off-skirts routine. "And try to look as if you don't care less, But if you want to see some....MORE!!!"

One Step Further - Bardo. A guy and a gal. Early 80s stomper. And I fondly remember how my RE teacher at secondary school, Mr Skeels, managed to incorporate it into a school assembly, all to do with how we should reach out and make an effort with each other. "Yes, you could have taken one step further and I would have been there, You could have turned around and hit me and I wouldn't have cared...". Very deep. And we even had a boy and girl stand in silhouette on the stage holding up a finger for the "one step" bit. Eurovision comes to York.

Love Games - Belle and The Devotions - Kind of like an 80s Motown number, very swing-a-long and catchy and sadly didn't do very well in the final Eurovision. Whatever happened to Belle and Co?

Power To All Our Friends - Cliff Richard. Ohhh Sir Clifford!! Very power-pop, very silly lyrics. "There's one old man, Spends his life growing flowers, Caring for the bees, Power to the bees" (?!!?) Then it gets all rocky and stompy. Fabulous.

Puppet On A String - Sandie Shaw. Apparently this finished off Sandie's career which is a shame, as it's a delightful 60s ditty. Lovely horns and strings and pom pom backing.

Clodagh Rodgers - Jack In The Box. What is it with Eurovision and songs about kiddie's toys?? "I'm just your jack in a box, You know whenever love knocks, I'm going to bounce up and down on my spring..." Erm, yes love. Keep taking the tablets. Strange how the name "Clodagh" never caught on as well, isn't it?

Ding A Dong - Teach In. A 1970s Netherlands entry and overall winner, once again fulfilling the bizarre/crap lyrics Eurovision criteria. These have to be heard to be believed: "When you're feeling alright, Everything is uptight, Try to sing a song that goes ding ding-a-dong, There will be no sorrow, When you sing tomorrow, And you walk along with your ding dang dong, Ding a dong ever hour, When you pick a flower, Even when your lover has gone, gone, gone...." Despite the stoopid lyrics, actually very catchy. Perhaps the writers ate too many hash cookies. I wonder if "dong" was a euphemism for something else?

Parlez Vous Francais - Baccara. Luxembourg girlie duo of "Yes Sir I Can Boogie" fame. Hilarious costa-brava inflections and Euro-naffness set to fabulous strings, flamenco guitar and an infectious disco beat. All about holiday romance: "He asked me parlez vous francais? If you do we will be okay, If not it's alright, Cos baby tonight, L'amour will teach you what to say. " Mais oui, cherie.

Rock Bottom - Lynsey De Paul and Mike Moran - English male/female duo who both sang and sat at giant pianos. "Where are we? Rock Bottom. Tragedies? We've got 'em. Remedies? Why don't we rub it out and start it again?" Lynsey trilled whilst Mike crooned. Very Ronnie Hazlehurst/Two Ronnies.

Viva La Diva- Dana International. The first ever entry by a transsexual singer and hoorah for that. "Viva la diva! Viva victoria!" A song for divas, drama queens and theatrical types everywhere.

And finally...

Waterloo - ABBA. Forsooth! The Swedish supergroup once participated in Eurovision too! In fact they were moderately successful prior to their Eurovision entry and had already scored a few hits but this further cemented their reputation. A fabulous stomper which I don't really need to describe - I'm sure you know it all too well. The analogy of someone giving in to their insistent, errant lover, just as Napoleon surrendered at Waterloo, was truly inspired: "My, my, At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender, Oh Yeah, And I have met my destiny in a quite a similar way, The history book on the shelf, Is always repeating itself..." Yaaaaay!!