Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Who's bad?? Me!! Joke of the week #2

Oh dear.

As you will have gathered, I recently announced that I would be posting a weekly joke spot for y'all. However silly old me rather overlooked the fact that I recently deleted most of my existing jokes, meaning that I don't actually have very many that I can draw on. Doh!! What am I like? What am I like, anyway?

So. I am appealing to you, my lovely readers, to send me some choice tidbits of humour, asap!! Please email these to me (you can find my email address on my profile page, darlings...)

By now I'm sure you're all very familiar with my sense of humour. Somewhat smutty. Nefarious. Double-entendre driven. Silly. Slightly surreal. Beverley Craven/marrow fixated.

But I'm an open-minded kind of fellow and can laugh at a lot of things really. So get sending your bestest jokes to me. I'll pick out the best ones and post them up here with a note of acknowledgement of course! Thanking you kindly!!

In the meantime, normal service WILL resume.

Unfortunately as my joke catalogue is currently deplete all I can provide are some slightly dated but nevertheless hilarious Michael Jackson jokes. If you are of a sensitive nature, easily offended or a Michael Jackson fan, these probably WON'T be your tasse du the. In which case, please click off this post NOW. The jokes are very sick and of course play on all the child-molestation stories that have surrounded His Royal Wacko-ness. But that's what made me laugh so much...

Q. Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A. Because they aren't his.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun.

Q. What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A. Throw him a buoy.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A. One is pale and scares kids, the other is a friendly ghost.

Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were half-off.

Q.What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Q. What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?
A. Hanson.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a Ten for two Fives.

Michael and Janet Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and a video tonight?
Michael: Yeah okay, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and a video.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.

Q. What do Michael Jackson and homework have in common?
A. Both are a pain in the arse for kids.

The Pope recently issued a proclamation about Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make Mr Jackson a priest.

The FBI raided Michael Jackson's house. They found Class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5C in his bedroom.

And last but not least...

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
"I'd wait until he's at least 14," the Doctor replies.

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  • At 8:42 pm , Blogger matty said...

    too funny.

    i think i have a good sense of humor but suck at telling jokes and don't really know any!

    ...but, you appear to be doing just fine!

    kisses from GayTown,

  • At 7:04 am , Blogger Steve said...

    Hilarious - especially the MJ/Priest joke!

  • At 7:37 am , Blogger TimeWarden said...

    Boyz-2-Men being a delivery service was my laugh out loud moment!

  • At 8:43 am , Blogger Steve said...

    The only MJ joke I can think of is quite an old one:

    What's Michael Jackson's favourite song?

    "I'm forever blowing Bubbles".

  • At 10:20 am , Blogger Old Cheeser said...

    Well I am gratified that all of you liked the jokes, gentlemen. Phew!!

    And I love the Bubbles joke, Steve.

    So PURLEASE email me some more before I become totally deplete!

    Otherwise it'll be gay jokes next - a sign of total desperation!!


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