I Can Get It Out My Head (quite easily - sadly...)

Well, I’m sure you’re all simply DYING to know my thoughts on the Dr Who Xmas special aren’t you?? The fact that it’s taken me over almost 2 weeks to compose a post-viewing response kind of says it all really…Okay, yes, I did say I wouldn’t be returning until the New Year and all that, but if the Crimbo special had grabbed me sufficiently I’m sure I would have very quickly posted up a few positive words extolling its sheer brilliance. Unfortunately that has NOT been the case because “brilliant” is not the way I’m feeling about “Voyage of the Damned”, sadly. Neither it seems, are many of my other fellow bloggers and Whovians. Oh dear…

In a word, “Voyage of the Damned” was...a let-down. Oh, that's three words. Well, there were certainly loads of good ingredients in there – a potential Xmas epic-cum-disaster-movie-take on stories like “The Poseidon Adventure”; the fabulous Kylie Minogue, heading the guest cast, the rest of whom – Geoffrey Palmer, Clive Swift etc – as well-established actors, promised strong performances; some excellent-looking special effects and sets – but collectively all of those things just didn’t gell, leading to an unsavoury and lumpen mix, like a Xmas pudding gone wrong (not that I’d really know as I hate Xmas pudding). For me it was definitely the least successful of the Xmas specials to date.

And lo! I level my frosty Xmas finger at just ONE culprit. A man who seems to increasingly regard himself as the ultimate Dr Who messiah but whose ideas, writing style and judgement are starting to totally get on my sci-fi tits: Russell T Davies. After the Season 3 finale-fiasco that was “Last of the Time Lords” and now this distinctly average piece of Xmas fare, I am of the firm opinion that THE MAN MUST GO. When is he going to let someone else write the Xmas Special for God’s sake? Stephen Moffatt? Paul Cornell? Russell, you’re seriously losing it, darling! Are you turning into JNT? Saints protect us!

Okay then, at the risk of turning into a Nu-Scrooge (which I would hate to do in this brand new, hope-filled year!) I will grant RTD a TEENY BIT of slack. As a whole “Voyage of the Damned” was never UNWATCHABLE. It had a story of sorts. Just not a desperately original or exciting one. The opening scenes did quite a nice job of setting the scene aboard the Titanic, with a sense of impending doom as the meteorites closed in, but from then on things got very formulaic indeed. I mentioned before that the fact “Voyage” was a re-take on “Poseidon Adventure” was a potentially good thing. Potentially. Dare I say that the tacky 1970s movie of yore starring Shelley Winters and co was a lot more tense and frightening than this? Although the lives of passengers and crew of the Titanic were all meant to be in jeopardy, somehow it just didn’t FEEL like it. Attempts to up the dramatic ante didn’t really work, even if we did get scenes like the one on the platform with the characters all in danger of falling to their deaths. It just felt staid and like it had all been done before. There were also some inconsistencies in the plot – why on earth was Max Capricorn, the one behind all the killings and destruction – hiding out on the Titanic itself, especially if he planned to destroy it?! Kind of counter-productive, surely?

As for the characterisation and cast….David Tennant rose above the average script generally well and this time round, those annoying Tenth Dr tics and mannerisms were relatively subdued. It seems to be swings and roundabouts with him, you don’t know how he’s going to be from story to story! The only teeth-grinding moment for me was the “Alonsy” bit, Aaaah!

And Mistress Kylie of Minogia? Well. We’d all been waiting with bated breath to see how the one-time Charlene Robinson was going to shape up in her Whovian debut. Yep, she looked very sexy in her waitress outfit and boots and had a certain ethereal quality about her but the character was just…bland. Alright, watching the special again (yes I deigned to watch the New Year’s Day repeat to get a second opinion, wow!) there were moments when Astrid came across as kind of caring and sweet e.g. her kindness to Banakafalatta and her hugging Fatty Foon just after her Fatty Husband died.

Probably Astrid’s best and butchest moment - and a strong scene in a sea of decidedly average ones - was the part when she commandeered the fork-lift truck and took Max Capricorn down into the fiery pit with her. Go girl!! Powerful stuff and I liked the moment when she and the Dr exchange sad looks before she goes to her death. I confess I did get a bit teary-eyed at this point. (And incidentally, wasn’t the Dr bloody lucky to have so many noble, self-sacrificing people around him? First, Foon chucking herself into the pit to save everyone from a murderous “host” and then Astrid’s aforementioned act of martyrdom! Kind of made overcoming the problems easier, didn’t it?) So maybe Ms Peth was bland but at least she was brave with it (even if this bit did remind me ever so slightly of Sigourney Weaver in her mechanical body suit, facing off against the alien queen at the end of “Aliens”. But you’d never rip off anyone else’s ideas, would you Russell?!)

Bringing Astrid back via teleportation felt gratuitous however; a self-conscious effort to milk audience sympathy for an already dead person. Not to mention the way her atoms were seen to go whizzing round the stars. Does this mean Astrid might be reincarnated at a later date? Judging by comments already made, a return for Kylie isn’t entirely ruled out. I say, don’t do it!! Though she had some memorable moments, there just wasn’t enough meat on the bones of Astrid’s character – in spite of all her talk about wanting to go the stars etc – and certainly not enough to warrant a return appearance (but then, look what happened to Donna Noble…once Mr Davies gets these ideas into his head there’s no stopping him…) In spite of all this, I don’t think we can blame Kylie. She did her best with a rather limited role. Yes, it’s those pesky writers at fault again! A shame, as someone as iconic and striking as Kylie deserved something more substantial than this – at the end of the day the fact that it was her playing Astrid was neither here nor there - as another fellow blogger has pointed out, anyone could have been playing the character and it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Pity.

Dear oh dear, aren’t I just full of the joys of Xmas! Still reading this? Well done, yous!

What about the rest of the cast? Veteran Geoffrey Palmer sadly didn’t get much screen time before being bumped off; a waste.

Clive Swift was adequate in his “nice old fella” persona but Mr Copper wasn’t a particularly challenging part.

The two dressed-in-blue alien fatties - Morvin and Foon (and gawd, what stupid names) - did little else than add some not-very-comic relief to proceedings (Look! We’re eating lots of food on the Titanic!) Er, yeah. Hilarious.

Banakafalatta was annoying and one of those aliens that RTD takes delight in creating but who just come across as gimmicky and silly. One for the kiddies. And am I the only one who thought he resembled a dwarf-sized Darth Maul? (The helium-infused voice wasn’t very butch either).

Other bits? The hosts looked and sounded good but again lack of originality seemed to be the order of the day, as they bore an uncanny similarity to the Voc robots from the Tom Baker tale “Robots of Death” – the stylised but impassive faces; the “posh” accents; the repeated “Kill” incantation. It was a nicely apt Xmas touch giving them halos, but then again whoever their fictional creator/designer was deserved to be sacked for such a major design flaw – didn’t they realise that the halos made the perfect murder weapon? (Or was this deliberate on their part?)

The bit with the Titanic flying over Buckenham Palace, narrowly avoiding collision and the Queen's "Thank you Dr!" line was godawful.

I think if I’d been about 7 years old I would have enjoyed this much more. Granted there were lots of elements in there that would appeal to the kids and that’s not an entirely terrible thing. The problem with RTD’s style of writing and stories is that the scales end up being tipped in the “kiddie” direction far too much and with him at the helm I’m worried that this is a growing trend.

Finally, after the stodgy and generally unpalatable main course that was “VOTD” came a somewhat sweeter and more enticing dessert - the Season Four trailer. And there were some promising-looking bits, too. Fenella Woolgar as Agatha Christie looking very demure and detective-like (and she’s a rather unusual-looking lady). Felicity Kendall in the background. Giant killer bees/wasps that looked very scary indeed. A stone monster in Rome. Raquel from Coronation Street as an evil businesswoman (well you’d probably turn out that way after being married to Curly Watts). And whose wrinkled brown face was that we glimpsed near the end? A Sontaran? Davros? Rose Tyler without her make-up? The only bits that made me cringe were the brief bits of Donna Noble dialogue – The “Why do you call me miss, do I look single?” line that she delivered to the Ood sounded forced and really out-of-place. And that bloody accent! If this is what Ms Tate is going to be like all the time in the next season, I think I'll bottle out NOW. I'm scared!! Scared for the future of my beloved show!! Anyway if you fancy a gander at what's in store click below...



Okay, I'm sorry I haven't written as much on DW as I normally do (or maybe that's a blessing!) But it's mainly cos of my distinct feelings of disappointment re: "VOTD". So in the meantime let's gird our loins for the onset of Season Four and PRAY.

Oh yes, we do have Torchwood to plug the gap until then, don't we? Mmmm....