Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Monday, January 22, 2007

Having a larf

Celebrity Big Brother was quite a hoot last night. Things definitely seem more relaxed now that La Cochon has scuttled back to her sty. Although there seems to be some kind of weirdness going on between Cleo and Dirk that I don't quite understand, maybe because I missed what happened with them previously. Apparently she was flirting with him which he found annoying??

Anyway last night BB set the housemates a challenge which was ... to make BB laugh. With a five minute slot for each housemate to achieve this goal.

One by one, each housemate was dispatched to the Diary Room to carry out the aforementioned task. And some rose to the challenge admirably whilst others failed miserably. Having said that making people laugh is a harder task than it sounds. Quite a fine art really. It requires thought and preparation.

So who did what?

Jo - went into the room in a silly wig that didn't seem to serve any purpose. Failed miserably and didn't even seem to have any kind of gameplan. I can't even remember what jokes she told, it was that unmemorable.

Danielle - slightly better than Jo. She played a character called Aveline with a red bobbed wig and round spectacles. Potentially funny but didn't really carry it off and failed to make BB chortle. Hardly surprising that both she and Jo were pretty rubbish. Miaow. Nasty schoolgirls get their karmic comeuppance.

Ian - played a geeky fellow called Cecil Sidebottom with bryl-creamed hair, bucked teeth and a posh voice. Then proceeded to do a posh, geeky impersonation of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Hilarious and very creative! And he made BB laugh. Deservedly so.

Dirk - told one joke about a horse going into a bar to order a drink. The bartender asks the horse "Why the long face?" Ha ha ha. That was the extent of his repertoire however. Failed.

Shilpa - did a hilarious impersonation of an Indian granny from Southall, again with bucked teeth. Revealed herself to be quite a versatile actress and able to rip the p*ss! And she passed! Good on yer, Shilps! Perhaps she could play a similar role in her next Bollywood movie?

Cleo - dressed up as a diva-ish American character with a blonde wig, ballgown etc. Looked fabulous. Of all the housemates she probably spent the most time preparing and yet the end result still didn't work. Told a story about her husband and some rude goings on that they got up to, shooting him in the head (!) and treading in dog shit. WEIRD. And she'd actually made some pretend poop which she held up to the camera. YUK. Her whole routine reminded me a lot of a sketch from the Kenny Everett Show (which of course she used to participate in). Like most of Kenny's material, it had a distinct touch of the rude and obscene, without in fact being that funny. Go and do a comedy script writing course, Cleo. We love you but you need practice!

Jack - VERY lewd and crude. Whipped off his dressing gown to reveal a leopard skin bra and black jockstrap and then tried to dance to "You Sexy Thing" very unconvincingly. So is this what he gets up to in the bedroom with Jade? And does she know that he has cross-dressing tendencies?
Anyway, he failed. And you could almost see his schlong. My goodness!

Jermaine - rather bizarre and yet again my memory seems to fail me as to exactly what he did. One bit involved him shaking the maracas. Anyhow it can't have been that bad because he made BB laugh.

Okay. Enough BB talk for now. I do feel that it's taking over my blog somewhat, a good source of stories / gossip though it can be.

Coming up:
- John Barrowman's nuptials
- A visit to a gay pantomime...


  • At 3:00 pm , Blogger Steve said...

    Jermaine's maracas were masterfully man-handled by the great man himself... but what really made laugh was watching him try to suck his own brains out through his ear by way of a sink plunger. Wow. And we thought Michael was the screwy one?!?

    Ian's act was hilarious. Definitely on a par with Catherine Tate, I thought.

    Yeah, felt very uncomfortable watching Cleo.. but alas my discomfort had everything to do with how painfully unfunny she was and nothing at all to do with her impressively revealing costume. She's got va-va-voom but no ha-ha-ha.

    As for Jack. Oh. My. God. The last chicken in a Turkish butcher's shop window. Corn fed by the looks of it. The man needs a doctor.

  • At 4:16 pm , Blogger matty said...

    gay pantomime. You've got me all curious! When I think "pantomime" I do think "gay'

    Hey! UK BB made national news with Fish Woman!

  • At 5:57 pm , Blogger Minge said...

    One can never have too much BB talk, my love.

    Jermaine bothers me. He stepped in asking Cleo not to go on persuing Dirk when all seemed harmless yet he sat back and watched Jade and those other two bints bully Shilpa, day after day after day.

    Let's hear about the gay panto!

  • At 12:49 pm , Blogger Old Cheeser said...

    Steve - you were obviously watching more attentively than me. Personally I think ALL of the Jackson family are two bricks short of a barbie. Look at Ms Janet getting one of her boobettes out on stage. And heaven knows what the rest of La Famille Jackson get up to. Perhaps the sink plunging was something Jermaine's Dad used to subject him to and he was re-living the experience...? Ooooh!!

    You are absolutely right about Cleo, good summary.

    And Jack is a real skinny berlinkey!

    Matty - Yes, pantos do have a certain gay appeal. I don't think they have pantos in the US do they?

    Not surprised to hear that Jade made the headlines overseas after all her behaviour / comments.

    Minge - That's good then, one reader who doesn't mind the constant BB posts. Anyway only a couple of weeks to go and it will all be over. THEN what will I write about?

    I don't think Jermaine really approved of the witches' behaviour though, did he? Maybe he thought Dirk was more approachable and felt more able to talk to him?

    Gay panto report forthcoming, once I have got my "act" together ... Boom boom.


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