Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Joke of the week

If you don't live in London, you might not "get" this, but if you do, it has a lot of resonance...

Dear fellow Londoner,

After two months of hard work, trekking around London's transport network, irritating commuters and avoiding seven year old Romanians playing the accordion, our work is finally done. We at Fridaycities, aka the Campaign to Make London Friendly, have painstakingly compiled the definitive list of Ten Commandments For Travelling in
London.

And now we need your help. We need you to read them, to live them and most importantly of all, to pass them on to every single person you know who lives, works or occasionally visits the capital. With your help, by the time Summer arrives,
London will have the most friendly transport network on earth.

And now, without further ado, the Commandments:

THE TEN
LONDON TRANSPORT COMMANDMENTS

1) Thou shalt walk whenever possible, but always from
Charing Cross to Embankment.

2) Thou shalt have thine Oyster Card in thine hand when thou reachest the ticket barriers, and not stand there, rummaging through thine bag for five minutes, like a tool.

3) Thou shalt not consume fragrant foodstuffs or alcohol, unless thou art a vagrant.

4) Thou shalt attend to personal hygiene. In particular, if thou hast been wassailing heartily the night before, thou shalt take special care to brush thine teeth in the morning.

5) Thou shalt talk quietly, or not at all, on thine mobile phone when on the bus as nobody else wants to hear who Emma did last night or how much Liam spent on his sodding shoes. Furthermore, thou shalt endeavour to stop those who wish to share their choice of music on loudspeaker, even though thou risketh being stabbed till thou art dead.

6) Thou shalt not whistle.

7) Thou shalt not press the open button on tube doors as this is the mark
of the tourist.

8) Thou shalt not duck, dive or bomb. And thou shalt most certainly not heavy pet.

9) If thou art not sure how to get off an escalator, or where to stand, thou shalt not get on it.

10) Thou shalt not wear darke glasses underground. Ye nobs.

4 Comments:

  • At 5:37 pm , Blogger Boz said...

    Thou shall not pass through the ticket barriers and then come to an immediate stop. This does not help thy poor sod behind thee.

     
  • At 12:47 pm , Blogger Old Cheeser said...

    Especially poor (or not so poor - cheating, perchance?) sods who have not bothered to purchase a travel ticket.

    Good and accurate addition, Boz! Do you live in London by any chance?

     
  • At 6:21 pm , Blogger Flaming Nora said...

    Thou shalt not walk onto a platform and stop dead still in the middle of the entry so that the 1,013 people behind you end up in a crush.

     
  • At 1:19 pm , Blogger Old Cheeser said...

    Nice addition Nora. I think the commandments need to be updated...

     

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