Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Music and fashion were always the passion

I ain't blogged much the last few days. Not that much to write about I suppose, certainly nothing of earth-shattering importance. Had a nice Bank Holiday weekend though as I hope the rest of you did. An extra day off work is ALWAYS welcome. Gustavo and I got our hair cut and highlighted by our resident stylist (who charges bargain prices) in preparation for our trip to Braaaaaziiiiil - we want to look super chic and cool in Rio as we stroll down the boulevard in the Copacabana... I am a bit concerned about my stomach though - still rather fat in spite of repeated visits to the gym and exercise classes. I've been to step, aerobics and box-fit! My weight has diminished by a few pounds but sadly not enough to render me super-slim on the beach. Which means I'll just have to don a pair of baggy shorts to cover up my protruding mid-riff rather than the skin-tight thong I was planning on sporting. Yeah, right. Seems that the majority of fellas on the beach in Brazil favour nice, tight trunks though, but to do so you really need a body like this:

Mind you, I'm not sure if I'd want to don a pair of trunks that are quite so, erm, flamboyant. Not to say leaving very little to the imagination.

Nevertheless I'm still tres excited about going. We fly from Heathrow at 6.30am next Tuesday and have already booked our cab to the airport. A few days in Rio (which I've never visited before - it looks totally breathtaking) then we journey onto Uberaba where Gustavo's family live for a reunion. After that his folks and I are going to Guaruja, a beach town approximately one hour from Sao Paulo. We've hired a house and we're staying there for approximately 10 days. It's got an outdoor pool too. So lots of trips to the beach and lounging by aforementioned pool are in order. Relaxation and hedonism ahoy!! I can't bloody wait!!

Meanwhile the stuff with the flat we're buying is trundling along (Yes, you just KNEW I was going to talk about that, didn't you?!) Unfortunately the seller's solicitor has been rather slow with regard to getting off the paperwork to our solicitors, which threw a bit of a spanner in the works. Grrr. Been resolved now though and hopefully things will start moving along again shortly. The problem with me is that I'm the kind of person who worries about these things even when away on holiday. Calm down, dear! It's only a flat! Although a friend pointed me toward a fabulous furniture shop called Dwell which sells - strangely enough - fabulous furniture. I'm already beside myself just thinking of the fabulous furnishings and accoutrements we can buy. I just wanna spend, spend, spend! I think I'm turning into a seriously acquisitive Bourgeois queen, or Viv Nicholson, one or the other.

Incidentally any suggestions for interior designing our new pad are welcome. But not as camp or outlandish as Colin and Justin please. Lurid pink and flaming fuchsia are not an option.

Big Brother is due to finish tomorrow. I actually sat down and watched a proper installment last night, the first time in absolutely yonks. The contestants all made a video in which they imitated and dressed up as one another and their previous housemates - e.g. Brian as Charley - and it was actually pretty amusing and well-observed. I still haven't got much notion who I want to win. I can safely say I don't want it to be Ziggy. The twins or Liam I would probably favour most. I could add that I want Jonty to win too, as I only recently found out he's a major Dr Who fan - reason enough some might argue. However whilst a nice enough fella, he does seem kind of ... odd ... in certain respects ... have you read his BB profile? Erm, spanking anyone?!? Any interested applicants, with eligible posteriors should get in touch with Jonty NOW.

Oh and in case you were wondering, I do still plan to post your responses to my Carry on Doctor post, have no fear. Just haven't got round to it yet. And some of you still need to send me your entries. You know who you are!! The Chav will be coming aaaaafter yer if yer don't watch it!

Friday, August 24, 2007

One more before bed...

... post, that is. The Beeb have unveiled yet another publicity pic from the forthcoming Fourth Series. And here it is. Apparently they've just finished filming the Agatha Christie story, hence Ms Donna Noble's 1920s period clothing. And once again, she looks kind of ... softer. More alluring. Positively charming even. And I've got to say I really like her top and clutchbag. Am I falling under the spell of La Noble? Or is the Chav going all classy on us?

Quote of the week - Bette Davis

A fabulous actress; a diva; an icon to many; a force to be reckoned with; a gusty lady indeed. Ladies and gents, I give you: Ms Bette Davis. Here's some of the lines she gifted us with, playing a variety of different characters ...

"I detest cheap sentiment" - Margo Channing, All About Eve (1950)

"Yes, I killed him. And I'm glad, I tell you. Glad, glad, glad!" - Leslie Crosbie, The Letter (1941)

"I'll admit I may have seen better days, but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut" - Margo Channing, All About Eve (1950)

"Lovely speech, Eve. But I wouldn't worry so much about your heart. You can always put that award where your heart ought to be" - Margo Channing, All About Eve (1950)

"But ya are, Blanche, ya are in that chair!" Baby Jane Hudson to sister Blanche Hudson, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

"Take your 10% hands off me!" - Margaret Elliot, The Star (1952)

"How about some pate? Chock-full of vitamins!" - Christine Radcliffe, Deception (1946)

"What man would ever look at me and say, 'I want you?' I'm fat. My mother doesn't approve of dieting. Look at my shoes. My mother approves of sensible shoes. Look at the books on my shelves. My mother approves of good, solid books. I am my mother's well-loved daughter. I am her companion. I am my mother's servant. My mother says - my mother, my mother, MY MOTHER!" - Charlotte Vale, having a nervous breakdown, Now, Voyager (1942)

"The only fun I get is feeding the goldfish, and they only eat once a day" - Marie Roark, Bordertown (1935)

"I find one should never look for admirers while at the same time one is falling to bits" - the aging Fanny Skeffington, Mr Skeffington (1944)

"I'm so happy you're happy" - Margo Channing to Karen Richards, All About Eve (1950)

"What a dump!" - Rosa Moline, Beyond The Forest (1949)

"I didn't bring your breakfast, because you didn't eat your din-din!" Baby Jane to Blanche, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962).


Video of the Fortnight - Junior Senior

Okeydokes, ladies and gents, here's a special treat for y'all...

A double dose of videos for this fortnight! Yeah!! Woooo!! Alright!!

...Aren't I just a generous Old Cheeser?

This time round the spotlight's on Junior Senior, Danish two-man combo, who musically are a bit hard to categorise, but definitely veer towards the groovy and the danceable. First off, their debut single, "Move Your Feet", released in 2003, described somewhere as "the sound of Fatboy Slim body-popping to "Club Tropicana" " which is I think is a pretty accurate summary!

And to accompany the immensely catchy song there's the equally fab and seriously '80s-influenced, pixellated video, surely produced by someone with an Atari fixation. I love the lego-like representations of Junior and Senior! The naughty squirrel getting up to naughty tricks! The dancing pineapple and his chums! The jolly, jumping toast! It's a vibrant and lively affair and I love all the creativity... a brilliant and inventive piece of animation. ENJOY!!

Next up, one of Junior Senior's more recent tracks. Thanks to Dan I found out they'd actually done another album since the last one, and there's a new single, "Take Your Time" too! Wahey! Although none of these seem to have been very well publicised in the UK ... oh well. This vid's another piece of animated liveliness, not quite as inspired or visually striking as "Move Your Feet" but still great fun nevertheless with lots of '80s style swirls and shapes. Kind of reminds me of the stuff we used to draw on the back of our exercise books in school. And the song is faberoony and features Kate Pearson and Cindy Wilson from the B52s on vocals. ENJOY AGAIN!!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

R.I.P. Timewarden (kind of)

In this funny business known as blogging, you tend to think that your fellow blog-mates are going to be around for ever and ever. Sadly, this is not always the case.

I refer to a recent announcement by TimeWarden (or Tim) that he will no longer be posting on his blog. Nooo!! Come back, Tim, we miss you already!! As will many other people - the number of comments left on his last post is a definite testimony to that. Rather ironic when the post was meant to be a video post on "Celebrity Skin" by "Hole"! But if you're going to tell people that this is your last ever post you're bound to attract a certain amount of feedback!

Anyway, I can understand and respect Tim's decision. Blogging, not to say sitting in front of a computer, can take over your life if you're not careful. My husband has occasionally commented that I'm more in love with my laptop than him. Ahem. And as I pointed out in my response to Tim's last post, the art of blogging can be a seriously time-consuming one. Like me, Tim admits to being a bit of a perfectionist in his writing and that DOES take up time - drafting, re-drafting, correcting posts ... And if you have a fondness for writing "long ones" that eats even more into your day.

Moreover (and a major reason as to why we became blogging pals) Tim is, like me, a massive Dr Who fan (good man!) and wrote frequent posts on the show. However, in contrast to me * he was becoming increasingly disenchanted with the new Russell T Davies series of DW and felt that his criticisms were getting repetitive. His enthusiasm for the show was really starting to wane! Hence another reason for ceasing to blog. And as Tegan's Aunt Vanessa said: "If you stop enjoying it, give it up!" Nuff said.

From a personal perspective though, I will really miss all of the debate that Tim and I enjoyed on DW - old and new versions! - as well as other more general exchanges - he has been a really great blogging pal in this respect! It's great to talk with someone else who has "the knowledge" and Tim has it in spades. Many a time was I left amazed by his capacity to remember which DW actor/actress had starred in which other programme/s, year/s of broadcast, etc etc. I thought I had a sponge-like memory but he takes the biscuit!

However it's not all sad news. The upside is that Tim has said that he will continue to read other people's blogs and leave comments ... so we haven't heard the last of him. Thank goodness!

And who knows, if RTD hands in his notice and DW undergoes a change in style, perhaps we'll see a TimeWarden regeneration!! Well if the Dr can do it...

PS If you're wondering why on earth I've put up a picture of Scooti from "The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit", it's because it was one of Tim's most recent avatar photos! (Unless there's something he's not telling us...)

PPS Seems old Tim hasn't quite gone away entirely. I note that he's started an "alternative" blog "TimeWarden's Jukebox" with some rather good videos! Go check it out! Mmm, make me think. I guess posting videos without any text is a damn sight easier than having to write long blog posts. I might follow suit one day, when I'm old and grey... (it rhymes!)

* Although as a small addendum, I admit I have started to get worried about the future state of the show, what with the imminent return of Catherine Tate and rumours about Joan Collins etc etc and all of you will no doubt have seen my comments to this effect ... I must retain some sense of positivity and optimism. MUST.

Homophobic A-holes

This story makes me VERY annoyed. Thanks to fellow bloggers Paul and Minge for bringing it to my attention. Thought I should share it with the rest of you too, for better or worse!

Why are people like this allowed to voice their stupid, narrow-minded opinions? And as Paul has rightly pointed out, why are they also allowed to carry on broadcasting? Big Brother's Jade Goody and Emily Parr get hauled over the coals for their racist remarks, yet Mr Bushell and Mr Mendoza get a not-very-public telling-off for their homophobic comments, after which they're permitted to go back to their jobs! Er - massive double standards, anyone?

How is this going to help to change people's attitudes? Not in the slightest.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Perhaps herein lies the answer ... just seen this posted on Outpost Gallifrey today, a story from the super, soaraway Sun ...

Doctor Who legend Peter Davison is to step back into the Tardis – and come face to face with the current Doctor.

Peter, 56, who played the Timelord in the 1980s, will pull on his famous trenchcoat once again for a Children In Need special.

Bosses are tight-lipped about the storyline, written by Who scribe Stephen Moffat.

But an insider revealed: “The Doctor is forever travelling through time so there’s no reason why he couldn't catch up with a former incarnation.

“Peter was top of the writer’s list to make a comeback."

This year’s Children In Need charity telethon takes place on BBC1 on Friday, November 16.

Let's see what they come up with, eh?

Monday, August 20, 2007

I heard a rumour (or two...or three...)

The Dr Who rumour mill has been running on overtime of late.

Firstly Joan "Alexis" Collins as The Rani in Season Four, anyone? Well, according to The News of the World, she's just been signed up to play the role. Rather ironic as the previous actress to play the villainous Rani was none other than Kate O'Mara, who played opposite Joan in "Dynasty" as Alexis' sister, Caress. WHAT a coincidence! Anyway, a DW insider has reported that: "The Doctor Who team are delighted they've managed to sign Joan. It's a real coup. [She's] perfect for the role... like Alexis Colby with a sonic screwdriver."

Mmm. Not sure if I'm altogether keen on this. In fact, I'd go as far to say that it could spell disaster for the show. Don't get me wrong I loved Ms Collins in "Dynasty". No-one could pull off the part of Alexis with the style, wit and panache that she did. She was a diva and a bitch of the first order. And in spite of the fact that her entire film catalogue consists of total and utter sh*t - "The Stud"? "The Bitch"? "Empire of the Ants"?! - Ms C has always possessed a certain classier-than-thou quality that enabled her to rise above it all. But stick a glitzy soap actress of her calibre in a sci-fi show and I don't think it will work. They're just totally different genres. I'm sure they could give Joanie lots of of bitchy one liners, including plenty of Donna Noble put-downs which would certainly be entertaining. But I don't particularly want to see Ms Noble and The Rani wrestling in a mud pool, Alexis and Krystle style. Whilst a certain amount of dramatics and humour have their place in DW, the programme is NOT Dynasty.

Rumour Numero 2: Ben Kingsley is set to play Davros in Season Four! The Sun said: "Ben’s agent has been in talks for a while now and he’s very keen to play the part of Davros. A deal will be signed any day now".

Mr Kingsley is a decent actor and I think he could actually do a very good job of portraying the twisted scientist. But having milked the character to death in the original series, do they really need to resurrect the prune-faced creator of the Daleks yet AGAIN? I heard somewhere on the grapevine that the Season Four story is going to all about the origins of Davros, where he came from etc. That could be interesting. But if it's true, let's have it done well please.

Rumour 3: Peter Davison is due to return in Season Four as the Fifth Dr in a "multi-Dr" story. Apparently Sylvester McCoy, aka the Seventh Dr, stated this at a recent Dr Who convention in New Zealand. Mmmmmm, again. I'm just worried that if RTD writes the story, it could turn out to be a pile of doo doo. Not only that, one hates to be ageist but isn't Peter Davison now too old to reprise the role? Granted, he still records all those Big Finish stories but they're only audio - we don’t SEE him. These days Peter D looks much older than he did when in the role of the Doc and in that respect at least I don’t think he’d convince (I tried to find a decent photo of him "now" to little avail - in order to point up the contrast - believe me he doesn't look as fresh-faced and young as above). The Fifth Dr's last story was 23 years ago! I suppose they could make Peter D wear his cricketing hat all the time or give him a floppy blonde wig. Or airbrush him. Or do something clever with CGI. Ooooh miaow. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great Dr but I don’t know how they’d pull it off. (Poor Peter, he'd probably hate me if he was reading this. Did you know I actually once stood next to him in the bar of the Metropole Hilton on Edgware Road at ... you guessed it ... a Dr Who Convention! My claim to fame. I was transfixed! And promptly texted all my family and friends to report this earth-shattering event. Though I was slightly dismayed to see my hero lighting up a fag).

Anyway, personally I think Eccleston and Tennant would make a more interesting (and current) pairing in terms of a multi-Dr story. Think about it please, RTD.

Oh yeah and one fairly minor thing to bear in mind regarding all of the above "stories":


You have been warned. As Sarah Jane Smith once said: "Never believe what you read in the newspapers".

Back to moi. The flat stuff is still progressing smoothly - at the weekend, we got the letter from the bank offering us the mortgage and have now signed it and sent it off to the solicitors. At the risk of harping on and becoming a crashing bore, I am feeling SO pleased and excited that we're finally going to be owning a place of our own. On the other side of the coin the financial commitment that this will entail is also starting to hit me. (My blogging pal Steve has written about a similar topic recently and I sympathise with where he's coming from...) Our monthly mortgage is set to be higher than the rent we currently pay - well I guess that's pretty normal - but a tightening of purse strings will nevertheless be necessary. And the first monthly repayment is horrendous, nearly £1,000 more than the subsequent ones. Apparently this is normal though, or so our mortgage broker tells us. No more buying cheesy DVDS and CDs for a while then! Sob... How will I COPE?!

And I'm off to Brazil in just under 2 weeks!! Yipeeee! For an almost three week break, which will be totally wonderful. Now I can go away, secure in the knowledge that the house stuff is well under way and kick back and relax. Week after week of making the same journey to work on the tube, being in the same work place, sitting at the same desk and doing the same thing is definitely starting to grate. Gosh I'm a moaning minnie aren't I. But I really can't wait for a change of scene. Gustavo has been working infinitely harder than me in his management job and needs the break more than me. He gets up at 5am most days and sometimes doesn't get home till late. He's had problems with his staff. And he gets paid less than I do for doing far more demanding, physical work...ahem. Still that's catering for you - hard slog for poor pay. Not very fair though is it? It just makes me love and respect him even more, for all that he does and puts up with. And he can't wait for the reunion with his family, having not seen them for two and half years!!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Weekend hangover ... Part Two

I seem to be making a habit of this.

As you know, last night I was in a celebratory mood due to the good news about the flat...so me, Gustavo and his cousin Graca who's staying with us decided to crack open the wine...followed by more wine...then vodka...followed by yet more wine....

Once again I am suffering rather badly today. And I'm not quite sure why I'm admitting to this, as you will all no doubt think me a very undignified Cheeser, but I ended up puking up next to the bed last night. I couldn't even be bothered to get up and go to the bathroom. What a scumbag!! The carpet still, ahem, needs cleaning. Perhaps I should invite me old pal Donna Noble round and ask her to lick it up. Yum.

That's quite enough revolting revelations.

Back in the real world, Gerry has just been evicted from the Big Brother house and amidst my drunken shenanigans last night I did manage to catch this. As you will have noticed I haven't written about BB since the whole Emily/racism debacle and that was positively yonks ago. That's most likely cos I kind of gave up on it ages ago and well, I did go through a rather busy period too which meant that BB viewing wasn't exactly a priority in my oh-soooo-hectic existence. Plus I didn't really take to many of the housemates. And now most of the real drama queens - e.g. Charley - have already been booted out or left of their own accord- e.g. Chanelle - people I probably couldn't bear to be around for five minutes in real life but who nevertheless made for very entertaining viewing. And now Gerry's aaaaart! I started off quite liking him but over the weeks on BB (on the occasions I watched it) he did undergo something of a transformation, becoming rather moody, arrogant and tactiturn. And as the others noticed he could be something of an intellectual snob, thinking himself to be "above" the others. Just the kind of queen I don't like. However he wasn't without his positive side which we saw right at the end when he begged the "Gurus" to vote him out and keep Carole in so she could win the money. Awww.

Now this leaves an even less interesting bunch of housemates to fight it out to the final. I don't want Ziggy to win as he's even more arrogant and up himself than Gerry was i.e. he's like that all the time. The twins, nice though they are, are way too insipid and anodyne. Carole is a grumpy old cow and actually reminds me of Judy Bryant from Prisoner Cell Block H:

Judy from Prisoner

Carole from BB

See what I mean?

The rest of the housemates I don't care two hoots about quite frankly. So there.

What else. Saturdays are just not the same without Dr Who. I have however been recently watching the Second Series of Dante's Cove on DVD, which - if possible - is even trashier than Series One. More on that one later. I think I'm going to go and watch an episode of Space:1999 in a moment actually. A nice way to unwind on a Saturday afternoon whilst nursing one's hangover. Unlike those poor inhabitants of Moonbase Alpha, at least I'm not hurtling through space on an out of control Moon!

In fact since I started writing this I'm actually feeling much better (that's cos I begun this post a few hours ago...how slow am I?)

Clearing up the vomit can wait. Oh! Hark! I hear the sound of the doorbell! Come in Miss Noble - yes, your dinner's on the floor next to the bed - sorry it fell off the plate...

Hope you're all having a fabulous weekend.

The OC xxx

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Chav Strikes Back

'allo again, darlings. It's Donna again. And look I'm actually ... smiling!! Would you adam and eve it? And you know why I'm crackin' a grin? Well first off, cos me old mate the Cheeser looks like he's gonna be buying an 'ouse soon. But second and more important, he's asked me to say a bit THANKS to those of you who have already sent in your Dr Who stories ... you are all diamond geezers!! Good on yer!!

And, as for the rest of ya ... and you KNOW who you are ... all I gotta say is ...




Okay, just popping off to 'ave a few diamond whites and babychams with the girls, it's Friday night yer know. I fancy pullin' a real fit bloke tonight, any applicants?

Ta Ta
D xxxx


Okay, after much fretting by the Cheeser about you know what, I finally got this email from my broker this morning:

"Excellent news, your mortgage has been offered. I have received the copy of the offer letter and will now review it to confirm everything is in order."

In other words, the valuation on the flat was fine and the bank are happy to lend us the money!!


Okay, we've still got to get through all the stuff with the solicitors, but that should just be paperwork and a formality.



Our first place to call our own!! I'm very excited ... and a fitting end to the week, I might add.

Okay, I'm off to crack open the bubbly. Celebrations are in order...

And thanks very much to all of you for your best wishes and for sending positive vibes through the blog-o-sphere. Obviously it worked!!


Quote of the week - Queer

Here, lesbians and gentleman, are some "Queer"-themed quotes for your delectation ... relish 'em!!

"Would you be surprised to know that this rough, tough individual was wearing pink satin undies under his rough exterior clothing? He is. This person is a transvestite, a man who is more comfortable wearing girls' clothes. One might say: There but for the grace of God go I" - Narrator, Glen or Glenda (1953) (I suppose that one's more trannie than gay, but what the hell...)

"Honey, I'm more man than you'll ever be - and more woman than you'll ever get" - Antonio Fargad to gay bashers, Car Wash (1976)

"Bring them out that we may kno-o-ow them" - uncredited drag queen with intense eye makeup in the Sodom and Gomorrah segment, The Bible (1966)

"There's something that gives me a queer feeling every time I look at you" - Cary Grant to Katherine Hepburn, Sylvia Scarlett (1953)

"That was Somerset Maugham on the telephone. He always gives me the queerest feeling" - Gene Tierney, The Razor's Edge (1946)

"Out where they say, 'Let us be Gay' - I'm going to Hollywood!" - Bing Crosby, Going Hollywood (1933)

"For two bachelors, you seem to know a great deal about what women wear" - Maureen O' Sullivan, Tarzan and His Mate (1934)

"Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nelly. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry. I worry you'll wortk in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of a heterosexual is a sick and boring life!" - Edith Massey to her nephew, Female Trouble (1974)

"Ted Casablanca is not a fag! And I'm the dame to prove it!" - Patty Duke, Valley of the Dolls (1967)

Okay, confession time. I've been taking these quotes from a rather good book someone once gave me as a pressie called "Nice Girls Don't Wear Cha-Cha Heels! Camp lines from Classic Films". Yes it's cheating I know! But unless you good people send me some better ones, just what IS a boy to do? Hint, not very subtle hint...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I'm still waiting

No, I'm not a blind girl and my name is not Diana Ross.

I'm still waiting to hear the bank's decision on the valuation of the flat we want to buy. The actual valuation/survey was done nearly a week ago, now we just need to know if it was okay and if the bank is prepared to lend us the money.

And we STILL haven't heard! I've been like a cat on a hot tin roof all day. I haven't been sleeping properly. I really need to calm down. But our mortgage broker told me we'd know by now ... how long are these things meant to take?!

Pray for me, readers.


I finally went to see this the other night. And after my initial misgivings I actually thought it was pretty damn good!

It’s different to the original, mind. Mainly cos it’s based on the musical rather than the John Waters’ version. There’s loud musical numbers practically every five minutes which – fab though they are - do get a little wearing and in your face. Consequently there’s less time devoted to dialogue and character development which is a shame. Some of the choicest lines from the original have vanished without trace, such as Edna’s “The times they are a changing, Tracy!” and Amber’s constant references to Tracy Turnblad’s hair having roaches. No sign of “The Roach” dance either - boo-hoo! – which was one of the highlights of the original. And the plan by Amber’s mother to sabotage the dance contest at the end by planting a bomb in her towering coiffure is totally rewritten. The film as a whole has a a rather more respectable and conventional veneer to it than John Water’s twisted version.

However despite the shortcomings I still found much to enjoy. The period recreation is excellent and seems much more “big scale” than the Waters film e.g. the opening vista shot of the streets of Baltimore with Tracy dancing amongst the citizens and all the comings and goings (including a very brief but funny cameo from John Waters as a flasher!) Maybe cos they had a bigger budget to play with. The dance sequences are excellently choreographed and most of the songs memorable and in keeping with the mood and atmosphere. I loved Velma’s “(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs”, brilliant. And although toned down in comparison to John Waters' sometimes perverted world-view, there's still lots of humour, both verbal and visual. There's an energy and exuberance to the film as a whole that's hard not to like.

And the performances? The biggest amount of hype surrounded the casting was of course John Travolta as Edna Turnblad. A far cry from Danny Zucco and Tony Romero! I thought Mr Travolta was okay as Edna though not entirely convincing and certainly not a patch on Divine’s iconic performance. But then the late, great Divvie made a career out of female impersonation so it’s little wonder. I thought JT was too subdued and as Alan has already observed, his/her voice sounded like Dr Evil from Austin Powers – all mannered and silly. His/her prosthetic make-up looked weird too – like Edna was permanently squinting.

The rest of the cast were great though. Newcomer Nikki Blonsky makes a strong impression as Tracy and was very reminiscent of Ricki Lake – not just in terms of looks but also the verve and energy that she brought to the role - a bubbly, likable young lady! Talking of Ms Lake, she even got a brief cameo at the end as a dance show judge. Christopher Walken was fun as Mr Turnblad, an actor who’s specialized in playing weirdos, this part being no exception. It was also good to see the character of Penny Pingleton, Tracy’s best friend, given a larger part in proceedings.

In fact some of the other characters like Motormouth Maybelle got far more screen time too- Ms Maybelle being played by a sassy and serene Queen Latifah, a lady with a great voice! Brittany Snow’s turn as Amber Von Tussell, Tracy’s bitchy dance rival on the Corny Collins Show, was fair, but I felt the original Amber was nastier. Zac Effron and Elijah Kelley provided some nice male eye candy as the boyfriends of Tracy and Penny.

Best of all for me though was Michelle Pfeiffer as Amber’s mum, Velma and producer of The Corny Collins Show. By turns scheming, manipulative, bigoted and sexy, Ms Pfeiffer put in a fabulous performance. She also had some great outfits and hairstyles – tucked-in-the-waist numbers that showed off her great figure. She's a true diva – looking great all these years after “The Witches of Eastwick” and “Dangerous Liaisons” - she needs more roles like this!

One of the aspects of “Hairspray” that I really like is its criticism of racism and bigotry through its clever storyline about racial segregation on "The Corny Collins Show". Tracy is the spokesperson for racial integration and I love the fight she puts up. The underlying message of the film is an inspirational one, making it more than just a throwaway piece of fluff.

So while more of a "mainstream" take on the original, "Hairspray" was still much better than I'd hoped for and highly entertaining!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Out and Proud

Better late than never, here's my report on Pride...Saturday 4th August.

It was a beautiful hot day, in fact hot all weekend so we were absolutely blessed (given how totally sh*te the English weather has been all Summer). Perfect Pride weather!! This is how it should always be!!

Gustavo and I got a morning train from East Croydon which was packed to the nines and had to stand all the way to Brighton. Not too bad though as there was a good atmosphere on the train and everyone was in the party mood. I got talking to a lovely lady who actually came from York (the town I grew up in from 7-18 years of age and where most of my family still reside). She'd come all the way down just to go to Pride - dedication eh.

Once we got to Brighton we then had to hike our things over to some mates of mine, Ben and Harry. I'd forgotten how steep and hilly Brighton is! Heave ho, up to Hanover we go!! And here's Ben and Harry looking very alluring in matching sailor suits:

We'd missed the start of the Pride march which always commences at the Peace Statue on the Brighton/Hove border, so we sashayed straight to Preston Park instead - where the Pride Party was taking place. Great park at the North end of the town with lots of pretty flowerbeds, a bowling green and loadsa space. Except when you've got literally thousands of fags and dykes there, it becomes somewhat crowded. But it was still a great atmosphere. And lots of stalls, dance tents and fairground rides! And here's some piccies of the occasion...

Gustavo, Kim (an old workmate) and moi!

Me (horrid cheesy grin) flanked by our friends Roberto and David. Look at that blue sky!

And look at these fabulous drag queens! How can you get through the door with hair like that? And I was amazed that their make-up didn't melt in the heat. As well as walking on the grass in stacked heels. The price of glamour is a high one.

A tent roof top, which kind of reminded me of something ... any ideas?

Inside the Popstarz dance tent it was rocking music and dancing aplenty.

Gustavo getting into the party swing.

Isn't he cute!

Then I ran into Emma (that's her on the right) an old mate from London who I hadn't seen in ages! And her new lady (on the left!) It was really good to see her - that's what often happens at Pride though - you run into people you haven't seen in yonks. Of course when it's nasty exes or people from the past that you'd rather avoid, it's best to head in the opposite direction. I had, erm, a fair few dalliances during my time in Brighton but I'm pleased to say I didn't encounter anyone who induced the running-away reaction or highly believable "Oh, er, Hello! Who are you? Sorry? Do I know you?" response. VERY convincing.

Gustavo and the boys outside the Revenge tent. Getting nicely trollied. Just before this point I'd also attempted to go and find a group of gay Dr Who fans from the Outpost Gallifrey site who apparently were congregating by the clock tower. I couldn't find them bloody anywhere. Probably cos stoopid me forgot to take down phone numbers and couldn't remember faces. Of course if they'd erected a giant Dalek or police box it might have been a bit easier to find them all - kind of hard when there's hundreds of people milling about all over the place. And I didn't have the guts to go up to complete strangers and ask "Excuse me, are you Dr Who fans?" I might have got a slap or beer chucked all over me or something...

Having failed in my mission to locate the Gay Whovians I tried to find Gustavo, Roberto and David but they'd vanished amongst the throng. And in typical festival fashion, mobile reception was bloody abysmal i.e. the whole network was flooded which made trying to phone people bloody difficult. And my mobile ran out of credit. Grrrr!! Anyway, after about an hour and several queenie strops later, I reconnected with my hubbie and pals. Phew.

This pic was taken by a very drunken mother who had her kids in tow. Bless her. But that's what I love about Pride - when the parents bring their children it's so good to see. That's what we need - the next generation being educated to see that it's normal to love someone of the same sex and that we're just regular people wanting to party and have a good time like anyone else. Brighton has always been a very liberal and open-minded place though and I wish there were more places in the UK like it.

Oh no!!! For some reason unbeknown to myself I was coerced into going on one of the sh*t-scary fairground rides. Whyyyyy? This one was a pirate boat type thing that went very high up and rocked backwards and forwards at a terrifying angle. Nice.

And this was the "highlight" - getting suspended in mid-air and then being stuck there! You can make out Roberto in the front seat and me in the one behind with a serious case of Beetroot head. Whyyyy do I put myself through this kind of thing? It was f*cking torture.

Late afternoon we left the park and headed to Kemptown (or Camp Town as it's more affectionately known), the gay district of the town (every good city or town has one!) The whole of St James Street had been shut off for the festivities; one big street party. Hoorah! That's it above. Even when I lived there they didn't use to do that - I think it's got even better.

We headed to Legends bar on the seafront and holed up there for the rest of the afternoon and evening. A lot of the other clubs and bars were charging extortionate prices so it was kind of easier just to stay there. It's a rather tacky bar (in fact I used to live just a few minutes' walk from there) but endearing in its naffness and they played lots of top toons to dance to, so one can't complain.

Carry on drinking...

Roberto and Gu get on down. Not sure what Rob's trying to do with his fingers.

Me and David having a bit of groove too. Elizabeth Taylor looks a bit po-faced and disapproving. Cheer up love! It's Pride!! You're the woman who practically invented the meaning of camp!!

We then headed to the downstairs bar/club for some real dancing. I loved the laser lighting, truly cosmic.

More futuristic strobing...

Oh dear. That young lady on the left looks rather...monged.


I love this shot of Gustavo suffused in a pink light...very artsy.

And...that's about it! Next day we had a late breakfast down on the seafront while nursing our hangovers and then went for a stroll on the fabulously tacky Brighton pier which was lovely...unfortunately I didn't take any pics so you'll just have to take my word for it that we had a good time. All in all, it was an excellent weekend and Gustavo and I's first wedding anniversary too!

Here's to Pride 2008! I wonder what we'll all be doing by then? Time will tell...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


'allo Peeps. It's Donna La Chav 'ere. Now you know I'm a nice enough girl. But I've been sent as a kind of ... wot's the word ... post-girl? Nah. Messenger? Nah, wot was it ... aaah yeah ... EMISSARY! Flippin' 'eck that's too big a word for me. Yeeeeaaaah I've been sent as an emissary by that lovvvvvely blogging fella Old Cheeser, cos he's a bit miffed that all of you ain't sent in your suggestions abaaart what happens next in 'is Dr Who script. In fact I 'ear he's sobbin' his little heart out (what a wuss!)

Anyway as his emissaaaary, I am now TAGGING the following people! (And that's not tagging like chase me and kiss me, gorgeous though I am, mate). Minge, Newplanet, Dan, Salty Sailor, Timewarden, Steve and Samarcand...you 'ave just all been royally TAGGED!! Nah nah nah!

Now before you boys all get your knickers in a knot (and I reckon some of you probably wear bleedin' knickers, I 'ear that there's a few sexual deviants amongst you) don't fret. Old Cheeser has asked me to tell you that he's quite happy with you submitting just a couple of paragraphs of suggestions, not a bleedin' novel! Of course the more ambitious blokes can send in a script if they want. But a couple of paras will do. He's just dying to hear all your wonderful ideas (especially the naughty ones!) And they'll get posted on his blog too. If you're really lucky, the very best ones will get a prize...ooooooh!! So email the Cheeser now!!

Okay, must pop off to file me nails and get my lunchtime KFC.

See ya
Donna xxx

Sunday, August 12, 2007



But before I hit the sack, I see that - in spite of some very nice comments - none of you as yet have sent me your ideas for the next part of my "Carry on Doctor" skit.



Far be it from me wanting to sound threatening, but if I don't get some responses soon I will be forced to resort to drastic measures...such as TAGGING certain bloggers...


Nighty night.

OC x

Video of the Fortnight - Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again

Ditzy me almost forgot to post this. Sometimes there's just TOO much going on in my life.

For once I can't be a*sed to write much about this except:

1. It's one of my favourite Eurythmics tracks - a brilliant, haunting (God I hate that word sometimes - such a cliche but true) piece of electronica - when Eurythmics were still good.
2. The video is very 1980s.
3. I like the bleached out effect of the sky and the sea at the start - a striking looking landscape.
4. Annie Lennox looks stunning with her red hair and shawl although I reckon she's probably freezing in the nightie she wears later on. I hope there weren't any sudden gusts of winds or anything...her crevices might get chilly.
5. What do you reckon it's all about?

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Season Four, Episode Seven: Carry On Doctor

Okeydokes. Before I venture out into the glorious sunshine...and I am...honestly...here's a little something (well, not so little) that I've been cooking up...inspired by: a) all the recent discussion on the return of Catherine Tate to Dr Who and b) a post written by fellow blogger Steve on blocked toilets. I kid you not. In fact it all started with a comment I left on the aforementioned post which I very much enjoyed writing and I wanted to share it with y'all here! However I decided to expand on my original script, and here are the results.

As you know, one of my primal fears is that Ms Tate is going have a disastrous effect on the show. Although as I've just said below, things are looking slightly more rosy. But here's what might happen when Martha comes back mid-way through next season and meets Donna...

And when you've managed to wade through this, I have a challenge for y'all....



The Scene: The Royal Free Hospital (the same location as in “Smith and Jones”). It’s several months since Martha left the Dr at the end of “Last of the Time Lords” and she’s now returned to her training as a Dr.

But something nasty is going on in the hospital. Patients are disappearing from their hospital beds, to be replaced by pools of oozing green slime and Martha is convinced that some sinister alien force is at work. Desperate, she has contacted the one and only person she knows can assist and is eagerly awaiting his arrival.



(Martha is pacing backwards and forwards, clearly stressed, fiddling with her stethoscope).

Martha: Ohhh come on Doc! How long is this gonna take?

(Glances at her watch)

You said you’d materialise at precisely 10.30am! And it’s now 10.47am! Matron’s gonna have my bloody guts for garters if I don’t get back on my shift soon.



(With a wheezing and groaning sound, the TARDIS materializes. Out of the doors emerge the Dr and Donna Noble. The latter is dressed in a short spandex dress that leaves little to the imagination, her hair pulled back severely and tied up at the top with a Primark scrunchie. The Dr looks like Fred Astaire by comparison.

As the two emerge from the TARDIS they are clearly in the middle of a heated disagreement).

Dr: Look Donna, Martha has called me here for a very good reason!

Donna: Aaaah come on mate, pull the other one!

Dr (winces then sighs): Donna, Donna, Donna. I really had hoped that travelling to other planets, places and times would have broadened your mind, not to mention your appalling accent. It appears not.

Donna (folds arms and scowls): Are you dissin’ the waaaay I talk?

Dr: Now whatever might have given you that impression?

(Under breath). My God, even Tegan Jovaaaanka was refined compared to this one.

(Louder) As I say Donna, we’re here to help. I mean, you wouldn’t really want to see the whole of your own race totally wiped out would you?

Donna: Well I –

Dr: Including Chantel, your beloved Mum? Uncle Kevin? Auntie Aggie from the estate? Would you?

Donna: Yeah but -

Dr: How does the prospect of seeing your best mates Kaz and Shaz evaporated into pools of green slime make you feel? Sit comfortably does it?

Donna: Nah ‘course not –

Dr: I didn’t think so.

(Under breath) Mind you, a puddle of green slime has probably got more intellect than the whole of the combined Noble gene pool.

Donna: Did you say somethin’?

Dr: No, no!

(Draws a deep breath)

But I wonder where Martha is? She told us to meet her in a disused lavatory in “D” block. A place where we'd be sure not to be seen or found. And this is where we are, aren’t we?

(He peers around for a sign.)

Donna: Yeah well, she ain’t ‘ere, is she? You sure you got the right place? That bloody TARDIS of yours never lands where’s it’s s’pposed to. A bleedin’ Reliant Robin’s got more staying power than that clapped out old blue box. You really reckon we’re in the right place?

Dr (wincing again at Donna’s horrid colloquialisms, and then gritting his teeth): Yes Donna, I’m SURE we’re in the right place.

(He spots a sign next to the mirror).

Yes! Look! “Property of the Royal Free Hospital”.

Good old Martha.

(He drifts into a passionate eulogy of Martha, losing focus…)

She’s a trainee Dr you know, Donna. A very clever and resourceful girl. Did you know she once helped me to regenerate just by getting the entire human race to simultaneously chant my name? “Dr..” And it worked! If it hadn’t have been for Martha I’d still be a wrinkled old dwarf and we might not be standing here right now.

Donna (claps hands over ears): Awww Jeeesus! I don’t wanna hear it again!

Dr: One might suspect you of, erm…jealousy, Ms Noble, unless I’m much mistaken.

Donna: Yeah, you are mistaken as it ‘appens. But you talk about the silly mare all the time! What about me? I’m your current companion, not her!

Dr: Well yes, but –

Donna: And besides, you said she was in love with yer. And that was why she had to stop travelling with yer.

Dr: Yes, that’s true; admittedly it was a, erm, hindrance you might say…

Donna: Exactly! You admit it. Don’t yer!

Dr: Yes, but she still needs our help!


Mind you, she’s so clever I bet she’s solved most of what's going on now anyway. I heard a rumour she’d also joined up with Torchwood temporarily, so I bet that rubbed off. She’s got more than an ounce of nous, has Ms Jones. I mean, I could never have a relationship with her – it’s forbidden for Time Lords – but I have sooo much respect for her.

(Donna has had enough. As the Dr rattles on, she quietly ducks out of the toilet door.

Once outside she gives vent to her vitriol).

Donna: Jeeessssus!! Miss Martha Bleedin’ Jones!! I can’t take any more of ‘er!

(She takes a few steadying breaths, then surveys her surroundings. Suddenly she sees a sign on the wall ROYAL FREE HOSPITAL - “E” BLOCK. A sly look crosses her features as she realizes what has happened and what’s going to happen next…)



(Martha is at the end of her tether. If she doesn’t get back to her ward, she’s liable to get sacked.

She makes a move for the door but as she does so, someone comes bursting in. It’s Donna.

The two girls freeze, staring at one another across the lavatory floor. Clutch bags at dawn).

Donna (sneary tone): Martha Jones I s’ppose?

Martha: Er, yes?

(She gives Donna a distasteful once over, not impressed with her attire).

You’ve come to clean the toilet then? I’ll get out of your way, darling.

Donna: Yer what?

(She puffs up her chest and throws her head back in a haughty gesture).

I’ll ‘ave you know, I’m a traveller in time and space! In a bleedin’ blue box ac-tuuu-aaaally.

Martha (eyes widen): The TARDIS??

Donna: Perhaps. Why do YOU wanna know?

Martha: You’re with the Dr?

Donna: Maybe? Wanna make something of it?

Martha (rolls her eyes): No, I don’t “wanna make make something of it”, but I called the Dr here cos there’s an emergency.

Donna: Oh? Such as – why are you travelling with such an attractive new bird and why did you dump me and I really wanna know? That kind of emergency?

Martha: Oh for God’s sake –

Donna: An “I’m sooo lonely without the Dr and why is that ginger bird shacking up with a transcendentally dimensional Time Lord and I really wanna know” type emergency??

Martha: Ginger minger, more like.

Donna (freezes): You what?

Martha: You heard me.

Donna: Say that again.

Martha: Lost the power of hearing have you darling? Look love, face it, I’m the best companion and I’m coming back for the second half of this series. You didn’t know that, did you?

Donna: Don’t make me laaaarf!

Martha: I am! So it’s bye bye, Donna La Chav, I'm NOT afraid to say!

Donna: You faaccccking lying cow!!

(With a snarl, Donna bounds across the room and grabs Martha by the hair.

With a karate style movement, Martha kicks Donna in the chest. She falls to the floor and Martha jumps on top of her. The two wrestle and scrap on the toilet floor. At a crucial moment, Donna pulls off one of her stiletto heels and whacks Martha round the back of the head with it. Concussed, Martha slips to the floor. Seizing her chance, she drags Ms Jones’s supine body across to a toilet bowel).



(The Dr is still talking to himself)

Dr: Yes, Ms Jones, Ms Jones, we almost had a thing going on…But I’ve always preferred Rose…blondes are more my thing. I wonder what she might have looked like naked? Shame I never found out.

(Abruptly he stops and turns round).

Donna? Where –

(He rushes outside the lavatory. Donna is nowhere to be seen).

Oh no! Mmm, there’s got to be an easier way to find Martha than this.


Of course!

(He dashes off)



(Patients are being brought into the hospital, Drs and Nurses strut about with clipboards.

The Dr rushes up to a receptionist at a desk, barging to the front of a queue of waiting people, to their extreme annoyance. A couple of old dears tut and moan).

Dr: Hello – I’m looking for a Miss Martha Jones; she's a trainee Dr here. Can you tell me where I can find her?

Receptionist: I’m sorry sir, but we’re not allowed to give out information about staff. And these other people were waiting before you.

Dr: But it’s a matter of life and death! The entire existence of the human race depends on my finding her!

Receptionist (Humouring him): Really, sir. I think I’ve heard that one a few too many times before! Now if you’ll excuse me I have to serve these people.

(A hand taps the Dr on the shoulder. He spins round. It’s Leo Jones, clad only in a hospital blanket).

Dr: Leo!! What are you doing here?

Leo: Hello mate! I might ask you the same! Don’t tell me – my sis called you back here?

Dr: You guessed right! Listen Leo, you can help me – where can I find her in this mammoth place?

Leo (looks at his watch): Well at this time of day, she usually works in…(he leans in closer to whisper in the Dr’s ear).

Dr: Aaah! Thank you, young man! Right, must dash!

(He makes to move off then stops).

Er – why on Earth are you in here anyway?

Leo (looks embarrassed): Well, erm, it’s like this Doctor mate, I’d rather not talk about it…

Dr: Bit personal?

Leo: Yeah.

Dr: Something sexual?

Leo (looks even more shifty): Yeah.

Dr: So you wouldn’t care to share it with me?

Leo: Nah.

(Leo makes to walk off but a passing hospital trolley suddenly snags on his blanket and rips it off, leaving Leo stark bollock naked in the middle of reception. In a “tasteful” camera shot we see Leo’s body silhouetted on the hospital wall with something long and penile-shaped, protruding from his bottom).

Dr (nodding): Say no more.

(He rushes off, leaving Leo to frantically retrieve the blanket and cover his modesty).



(Donna is now pushing Martha, head first, down the toilet bowl. Martha has woken up and is kicking and screaming in protest).

Martha: But you can't do this Donna! I'm the current companion!

Donna: I don't care! Get daaaaaarn that bog!

Martha: Donna, I'm appealing to you! I'm a nice person!

Donna: You called me a ginger minger!

Martha: Okay okay, I’m sorry! But you can't get rid of me, I’m an asset! I'm a trainee Dr for God's sake!

(Dramatic pause. Donna ceases to push Martha down the toilet for a few seconds).

Donna: Am I bothered?

(Continues to shove Martha head first into the toilet bowel)

Martha: Nooo - uumph! Just stop!!

Donna: Face? Bothered?

Martha: Please! Donna! Stop -

Donna: Face of concern? Nah!

Martha: You can't kill me -

Donna: Face of concern? Face of Boe?

Martha: STOP!!

Donna: NOT bothered!

(Shoves Martha further down the toilet until her head is almost under the water).

Martha: I'm the most popular assistant since Sarah Jane -

Donna: Not bothered!

Martha: I'm sassier than Billie -

Donna: That old slapper from Swindon? She ain't got nothing on me! Donna Noble rocks!! Bye bye, you silly mare! I AIN'T BOTHERED!!!

(Flushes the toilet and Martha's wriggling legs disappear from sight as she goes round the U bend.

Suddenly the Dr bursts into the lavatory).

Donna (jumping out of her skin) Dr!! Er...Alriiiiiight?

Dr: Actually, no, I'm not. Have you seen Martha?

Donna (attempting to look innocent but with a definite sheepishness on her face): Who?

Dr: Okay, she's clearly not around...

(He dashes outside with Donna following)

(Shouts in typical OTT David Tennant style)

Martha?? MARTHA!!

(Suddenly round the corner come a young man and woman pushing a trolley laden with DVDs.)

Man: Hello lovely patients!

Woman: Come and buy our gorgeous DVDs!

Man: They've got some very unusual Easter Eggs!

(As they come closer the Dr winces, then opens his eyes wide in recognition.
It's Sally Sparrow and Larry Nightingale!!)

Dr: Sally!!

Sally/Larry (rapturously): Dr!!

(They rush up to the Dr and the three all have a group hug, with Donna on the periphery).

Donna (crosses her arms and pouts): Who the FACK are they??

To be continued...

ope you enjoyed, dear readers!

NOW - here's my challenge. I'd like you to email me with your suggestions as to what happens next. It can be in playscript form (as above), it can be a synopsis, it can be a short novella...whatever takes your fancy. But I know that, like me, many of you have a highly creative streak, not to mention lots of fabulous ideas...so drop me a line! The best responses will get posted up here. Ta muchly!