Diary of an old cheeser

Hi there! Like other blogs, this is my chance to wax lyrical (some might say talk utter cr*p) about a) what's happening in my life b) all of my pet obsessions in particular music, tv, movies, books and other generally connected things, quite often of the retro, old and "cheesy" variety. Hence the title of my blog. Feel free to leave a comment if the mood takes you. There's nothing like a good chinwag about one's favourite topics and besides I love to meet new people! Cheers, Simon

Saturday, March 31, 2007

It's D-Day!!

Hip hip hooray.

Joke of the week - Silly Stick Men

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Change my dear ... and it seems not a moment too soon ...

I'm aware that I haven't written many "what's going on in my life" type posts for some time. Instead my blog seems to have become awash with rude jokes and cheesy video clips. Which kind of absolves me of the responsibility of writing about anything else, really, doesn't it? He he...

Wellllll. I'm sure you're all dying to know what joyous occurrences I've been going through of late, aren't you? No?? NO?? Like, what-evvvver!! Look, I can't be expected to write about Dr Who and retro/kitsch/trashy stuff ALL the time, now can I? Just 98% of it. And the eagle-eyed amongst you will undoubtedly have spotted the Dr Who quote already. I just HAD to get it in somewhere.

You may remember me talking about my job situation and my decision to take voluntary redundancy, as a result of changes in my department. Well...it's now been officially confirmed by the powers that it's all going ahead and I can leave!! Hoorah! And if all goes according to plan I should be leaving next week (just before Good Friday). Double hoorah!! With a rather large package in my hand. And lest you think I'm turning into Graham Norton, I'm talking about lots of money. Triple hoorah!!

In many ways, the reality hasn't hit me yet and I still have a lot of loose ends to tie up at work before I finish off (funny how much more motivated you become when you know you're leaving a job!) And interestingly, lots of other people in my dept have opted to do the same thing - there are now far more people leaving than was thought previously (nearly half the department!) and I think it's come as a bit of a shock to some. Tomorrow some three people are leaving my team. Soon the office is going to be like a graveyard! But as I've already intimated, the new jobs just didn't appeal to me and I know I am doing the right thing. I'd been longing to get out for so long and having this opportunity come along was just too good to resist! Things really do happen for a reason.

I have to say I do feel sorry for those of my colleagues who are being left behind as they'll have to pick up the pieces and most likely deal with an increased workload. Some of them are questioning their judgement in staying as well. Without going into detail, the common opinion about the new department structure is that it's been badly thought out and won't work. Hence one reason for the large number of departures. Well, I'm sorry but it's not my problem for much longer, darlings. I just hope my old workmates will all be okay.

And as much as I have grown increasingly bored and frustrated with my job, I have worked with some really fabulous and fun people, some of whom have become good friends. I intend to keep in touch with a fair few of them.

So change is blowing in the wind! I've already registered with some employment agencies and have some job applications in the pipeline so that's something to fall back on. But frankly I can't wait to have a week or two's break, it will be wonderful. I've just booked a little jaunt to Wales for a few days, which will be lovely - getting out of the Big Smoke and breathing some fresh country air appeals to me massively. Hello trees!! Hello grass!! Hello Fields!! (I did ask my friend if we could also go to Cardiff so I can see the real Torchwood but I'm not sure if she's so keen...damn it...)

Meanwhile my hubbie has been going through lots of changes too. A few weeks ago he was promoted to assistant manager with his company and he's been working very hard in his job. It's funny because he started working for this company less than two years ago in a junior position and has managed to ascend to managerial status pretty quickly. (I do not, for a single moment, imagine that there is any kind of casting couch process in his company...he got to where he is through hard graft, honesty and genuine ability...of course, of course!) I couldn't help joking with him though that in a couple of years time he'd be Managing Director of the company whilst I was still doing exactly the same thing!! Fortunately that is NOT how things have worked out.

So 2007 has turned out to be a good year so far.

And if you also recall I'm also seeking to develop a new skill through my web design night class. I'm now into about the fifth week of the course. It's all useful and interesting although so far there's been quite a bit to assimilate. We started off learning Macromedia Flash, which is actually quite tricky and fiddly and (in my opinion anyhow) only really necessary if you want your website to look...flash (boom boom). But I definitely need more practice with it. After the Easter break we're starting on Dreamweaver, a software package used to construct websites which I think will be much more useful. Can't wait to get my teeth into that. So hopefully by the end of it all I'll be a web meister.

And there's even more treats in store too...a certain sci-fi programme returns to our screens this Saturday for 13 weeks...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Video of the fortnight - Eurythmics - Beethoven (I Love To Listen To)

An all time favourite of mine, from 1987, taken from Eurythmics' "Savage" album. In fact the group brought out a video version of the album too, with a video for every track, an unusual move at the time. I'm not sure if it's still available but if you get the chance, check it out, it's brilliant! I wish they'd bring it out on DVD!

Anyway, the whole theme of this video is both weird and wonderful. And I love Annie Lennox's performance in this - truly versatile, proving that pop stars really can act!

In it Ms Lennox plays a twitchy, neurotic and unhinged housewife, totally obssessed with domestic chores like cleaning, cooking and knitting and incapable of sitting still for five minutes. She's a kind of UK equivalent of a Stepford Wife (although the frumpy clothes and brown wig are more charity shop granny than glamorous wife - hilarious attire, though). And who's the little girl who keeps smashing and breaking everything Annie has fixed? And the clown-faced guy watching her every move? And watch what happens to Annie at the end. It's all psychological I think. For instance, maybe the little girl represents what housewife Annie would really like to do? And at the risk of sounding pretentious, I think the video is a very interesting representation of gender roles. Further suggestions on a postcard please...

I love the lyrics too:
"I was dreaming like the texan girl...
The girl who think she's got the right to everything!
The girl who thinks she should have something...extreme".

This bit is also incorporated into a spoken monologue at the start. Annie L is truly scary, fixing the camera with her unnerving stare whilst she does the knitting, suggesting that all is not well with this particular house frau...

Joke of the week

If you don't live in London, you might not "get" this, but if you do, it has a lot of resonance...

Dear fellow Londoner,

After two months of hard work, trekking around London's transport network, irritating commuters and avoiding seven year old Romanians playing the accordion, our work is finally done. We at Fridaycities, aka the Campaign to Make London Friendly, have painstakingly compiled the definitive list of Ten Commandments For Travelling in

And now we need your help. We need you to read them, to live them and most importantly of all, to pass them on to every single person you know who lives, works or occasionally visits the capital. With your help, by the time Summer arrives,
London will have the most friendly transport network on earth.

And now, without further ado, the Commandments:


1) Thou shalt walk whenever possible, but always from
Charing Cross to Embankment.

2) Thou shalt have thine Oyster Card in thine hand when thou reachest the ticket barriers, and not stand there, rummaging through thine bag for five minutes, like a tool.

3) Thou shalt not consume fragrant foodstuffs or alcohol, unless thou art a vagrant.

4) Thou shalt attend to personal hygiene. In particular, if thou hast been wassailing heartily the night before, thou shalt take special care to brush thine teeth in the morning.

5) Thou shalt talk quietly, or not at all, on thine mobile phone when on the bus as nobody else wants to hear who Emma did last night or how much Liam spent on his sodding shoes. Furthermore, thou shalt endeavour to stop those who wish to share their choice of music on loudspeaker, even though thou risketh being stabbed till thou art dead.

6) Thou shalt not whistle.

7) Thou shalt not press the open button on tube doors as this is the mark
of the tourist.

8) Thou shalt not duck, dive or bomb. And thou shalt most certainly not heavy pet.

9) If thou art not sure how to get off an escalator, or where to stand, thou shalt not get on it.

10) Thou shalt not wear darke glasses underground. Ye nobs.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Just under...

10 days till the new series of Doctor Who!!

The Third Season kicks off on Saturday 31st March.

In the meantime, check out the official BBC Doctor Who website, featuring a still of David Tennant and Freema Agyeman against backings of various locations from the new series! Looks like they'll be visiting some interesting places...how exciting!!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Joke of the week

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other about the afterlife.

The husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.

I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then I have sex until late at night.

The next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Err..... not exactly, I'm a rabbit in

Birthday celebrities

And whilst we're still on the subject of my birthday (I promise to shut up about it very soon), did you know that the following people were born on 17th March too?

Actor Rob Lowe. Still looking very handsome and cute at 43 years old! Mmm-mmm. I wouldn't say no to him. If I wasn't married, that is. And he wasn't married and straight. Only small obstacles to surmount, then.

I loved him in all those 80s Brat-pack movies like "St Elmo's Fire" (in which he played a saxophonist with a fabulous mullet hairstyle).

Actor Kurt Russell. Not really my type but if you're into butch, ugly-handsome, action man type guys, then he probaby does it for you. Most of his movies are rather dull and formulaic too. Oh well!

Actor Patrick Duffy. Who can ever forget him as Bobby, the nicer than nice member of the Ewing family in the 70s/80s supersoap "Dallas"?? That's Bobby on the left, just about to save long-running love interest Pam from being run over by the psychotic Katherine Wentworth and getting himself killed in the process...or did he?

NOPE!! For it transpired that dizzy Pam had dreamt her beloved Bobby's death (not to mention an entire season of "Dallas") and woke up to be greeted by her not-so-dead fella in the shower!! (I hope that happens to me when I'm 50 and I wake up to discover I'm really still only 25). Anyway I'm going off on a slight Dallas tangent but Pat Duffy has always seemed a good egg. And anyone remember him as "The Man From Atlantis"?

Rudolf Nureyev. Highly talented - and gay - ballet dancer. Sadly died from AIDS-related illnesses in 1992. Someone once told me a rude story about him. Supposedly he had a huge, erm, member and would only sleep with another guy if theirs was bigger than his. Apparently he was a tough act to follow.

Nat King Cole. Popular singer, songwriter and jazz pianist, again no longer with us. "Unforgettable" was one of his most famous songs. And Natalie Cole (she of the hit "Pink Cadillac") is his daughter.

Mercedes McCambridge. Academy award-winning American actress who passed away just a few years ago. She starred in the offbeat western movie and cult classic "Johnny Guitar" as an evil cowgirl, alongside Hollywood icon and diva, Joan Crawford. Apparently the two actresses hated each other guts. And years later Mercedes (doesn't she have an odd name?) provided the voice of the demonically possessed young girl played by Linda Blair in "The Exorcist". Altogether now - "Your mother sucks cocks in hell!!" She must have had a ball with that one. She was also rumoured to be a dyke.

Which leaves me positively HONOURED to share my birthday with such an esteemed bunch of celebrities! And interesting that so many of them are actors or in a creative profession. But that's Pisces people for you...we're a very artistic and talented bunch!!

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Top t-shirt

And my Dad got me this fab t-shirt for my birthday! No, it's not referring to the town of Reading, UK. It's "reading" as in the act/verb. My dear Pa works in a library in Holland, you see. And this is obviously part of their marketing strategy to make reading a more pleasurable pursuit. And one I wholeheartedly support. Bravo! And thanks Papa!!

It's all about ME

So. As I was saying, never mind the Irish, 17th March is ALL ABOUT ME!!

Well, I had a fabulous birthday. Got lots of cards from relatives and mates which was very nice indeed. My Mum sent me a Cyberman birthday card which told me I would be deleted it when I opened it (a bit alarming for one's birthday! Still she knows what I like, as last year she sent me a Dalek one - which told me I had to celebrate my birthday or I would be exterminated). I also got the box set of the Second Series of Doctor Who which I am really looking forward to watching - thanks lots, Mum. And best of all, my lovely, lovely hubbie got me a digital camera, which I'd been wanting for ages!! Yaaaay!! Big kisses to Gu. And of course, what better opportunity to christen it by taking lots of photos on my birthday night out, the results of which are below...I love digital cameras, they are sooo excellent and cool!

We went out to a Portguese restaurant near Vauxhall / Stockwell, which did some delicious food, followed by drinks and dancing at The Two Brewers in Clapham, which was great fun. There's always a good atmosphere there and the music is tops. It also helps that I have such lovely mates who are always up for a good time. And at least half of the attendant posse were Brazilian which definitely helped to inject some Latin spirit into the proceedings. I had a totally brilliant time, and, on entering my 39th year have absolutely no intention of slowing down!


Saturday, March 17, 2007

Me versus the Paddies

Today is a special day for two reasons.

1) It's St Patrick's Day. Irish people all over the globe will undoubtedly go into a frenzy of celebration and drink lots of guinness. (Slight generalisation there, perhaps).

2) It's my birthday.

Well, I'm used to being overshadowed by the Paddies. It's just something I've learnt to live with, as the years pass by (and they are passing with increasing rapidity now). But frankly, I know which out of 1) and 2) is most important to me. Can you guess?

Birthday celebrations report forthcoming.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Torchwood: The Definitive Version

Saw this on Minge's blog and just had to nab it for mine!! Sheer brilliance. And dare I say...better than the orginal??

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Who's leaving Who?

Here's a birrova of an exclusive, boys and girls...some excerpts from filming of the new series of Dr Who in February this year. Woohoo!! Featuring David Tennant (the Doc), John Barrowman (the returning Captain Jack Harkness) and Freema Agyeman (new companion Martha Jones). Looks like this could be one of the last scenes from the season's finale episodes, judging by the fact that it ends with Jack walking off and throwing the Dr a very military salute! Or it certainly looks that way...WHO knows.

But...just what are they all saying to one another? What's going on? What is the Dr doing to Jack's hand? And what are the Doc and Martha reacting to at the end, with such shock and hilarity?! (As this was obviously filmed on a fan's camera and from a distance, we can't hear anything that's being said...of course the Beeb would forbid that anyway, the b*ggers).

In which case I am throwing up a little challenge for some of my fellow bloggers. And I'm going to tag Minge, TimeWarden and Samarcand. I'd like all of you to tell me a) what the Dr, Jack and Martha are doing and saying in this scene b) what the end bit is all about. You can even write your own mini-script if you like. The more creative, the better. Please send me your ideas by responding to this post. Cheers guys!

Of course, knowing you boys like I do, I just know I'll get some very "interesting" responses...

Monday, March 12, 2007

How rare is your personality?

I nabbed this from my pal Samarcand ... Mmm rather accurate actually! And being a Pisces it all fits in...

Anyway if you fancy a go, click on the link at the bottom. I'd be interested to know your results, chaps and chapesses!

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men. You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Video of the fortnight - Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80s

Okay, strictly speaking this is a "newbie" rather than an oldie. But who said I couldn't plug new videos! And this one has it's feet firmly rooted in the past.

I found out about it via fellow blogger Boz - always good to check out other people's blogs and get the lowdown on what's new (cheers Boz!) Calvin Harris is a relatively unknown Scottish songwriter/DJ and this, his debut single "Acceptable in the 80s" is out on Monday! Followed by an album, "I Created Disco" in June. AND - he is writing a track for Kylie Minogue's forthcoming comeback album! Wowee. Lucky guy.

As soon as I heard this track I loved it. Great use of synthesisers and great style (Bruno Martelli would be well jealous). Could this man be the next Mylo?

Joke of the week

And appropriately enough, this is exactly the kind of humorous situation you'd get in "Are You Being Served"...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to...''

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?"

"Well, that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes," the photographer replied, "and, for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um, equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to
work right away."


"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

I'm free, no longer

You’ll probably have heard about the recent death of actor John Inman, renowned for his portrayal of tres camp menswear assistant Mr Humphries, in the 1970s/80s department store-based sitcom “Are You Being Served”. A sad piece of news. I had mixed feelings about the character of Mr Humphries. He could be very funny, with his smutty humour and constant line in double entendres. Yet, he also reinforced the stereotype of gay men as effeminate, mincing and ineffectual, which, at the time, didn’t exactly help to promote a positive image for gay people and probably encouraged people’s prejudices even further. Still anyone with an ounce of nous will know he was but one facet of the gay persona. Mr Humphries had his moments and could certainly raise a chuckle or two. He even released his own single, which played on his token catchphrase “I’m free!” The lyrics are reproduced below and are in best "Carry on" tradition - I love them.

And on a related note, the “Are You Being Served” theme itself is fabulous and one my faves. It starts off with ringing cash registers and a seriously funky bass line, then the voice of a female lift attendant cuts in, announcing the different floors/departments: “Ground floor, perfumery, stationary and leather goods, sweets and haberdashery, kitchenware and food, going up!" I love it so much I have it as the ring tone on my mobile.

Anyhow I digress slightly. Here’s the lyrics to “Are You Being Served, Sir” by Mr H. Delightfully risque and suggestive.

Are you being served Sir?
I’m Humphries and I’m free.
Are you being served, Sir?
What would you like to see?

If you'd like some swimming trunks
We've got them plain or spotty.
We've also got some see-through
That really tan your...

Lady lift attendant: Beachwear!

Oh! These are gay,
There's plenty round the back
And if you like a bit of flash
Then try a plastic mac!

Are you being served Sir?
I’m Humphries and I’m free.
Are you being served, Sir?
What would you like to see?

Lady lift attendant: Going up!

You'd like a suit?
Well suit yourself.
Our three-piece is first class.
I'll find one with tight trousers
That fit well round the -

Lady lift attendant: Kitchenware!

Oh these will do,
I'll take them off the peg.
Now hold your breath and brace yourself -
Here comes the inside leg.

Are you being served, Sir?
I’m Humphries and I’m free.
Are you being served, Sir?
There's no-one here but me.

Oh, where's my tape measure?
Oh I know, I left it inside my fair isle drawers for safety.
No-one dare go in there.
Not without my permission anyway.
Here we are!

Hasn't it been a funny day for drying?

Is your loose change left or right?
I must know for the count.
I'll measure you from your ankle
Right up to your -

Lady lift attendant: Menswear.

I've one in tweed,
Thanks heavens, just your size.
But first I want my hand back,
It's trapped between your thighs.


Are you being served, Sir?
I’m Humphries and I’m free.
Are you being served, Sir?
There's no-one here but me.

I'm sorry that this fitting room
Is rather dark and chilly.
Just try these on and mind that zip
In case you catch your -

Lady lift attendant: Sportswear!

Oh goodness me,
Look someone's turned the key
And if we're stuck in here all night
I'm Humphries - and I'm free!

Are you being served, Sir?

RIP John Inman!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Less than 4 weeks to go until the Third Series of Doctor Who!! Yaaay!! The new season kicks off on Saturday 31st March. Not long to wait then…

In the meantime, for the David Tennant fans amongst us, there was an added bonus the weekend before last, when he starred alongside Sarah Parish in the one-off BBC drama, “Recovery”. It seems these two like doing TV together - they both appeared in the comedy-drama “Blackpool” and more recently, “The Runaway Bride”, the Dr Who Special broadcast on Christmas Day. Sarah’s role in the latter was markedly different from her usual roles - she played the evil Racnoss Queen, and was virtually unrecognisable beneath a ton of make-up and prosthetics! I confess I’d never seen her play a “human” character before and it was nice to see her looking normal and considerably more attractive (well if you’re a Racnoss I guess you might find her sexy). Ms Parish gave an excellent performance in “Recovery” as did Mr Tennant.

The story had a potentially harrowing/depressing theme, and I must confess I couldn’t stomach watching it on a Sunday night, so taped it for viewing later on. It’s enough of a downer having to contemplate going back to work on Monday without dealing with some gruelling piece of television drama as well!! However on watching it I was, for the most part, impressed.

David T and Sarah P played Alan and Tricia, a regular couple living in London with two kids. One day Alan is knocked down by a van and suffers major brain damage, the result of which he undergoes a massive personality change. The majority of the story concentrated on the couple’s attempt to carry on with their lives, which was a lot easier said than done.

David T was disturbingly convincing as Alan, exhibiting all the kind of characteristics you would expect a brain-damaged person to possess – aggression, child-like behaviour, confusion, frustration and a total lack of social skills! One of the opening scenes showed him wandering across Westminster Bridge in a daze, having wandered out of hospital of his own accord and accosting people. (Quite ironic as Westminster Bridge had been featured in the Christopher Eccleston Dr Who story “Rose”, but in a rather different context!) This prepared us for Alan’s fate. The scene when he was knocked down by the truck was horrible and unexpected, reminding me of the part in “Meet Joe Black” when Brad Pitt is suddenly hit by a vehicle and goes flying into the air or “Erin Brockovich” when Julia Robert’s car is smashed into by another vehicle – all of which made you jump out of your seat in shock! In the case of Alan though, his accident really is a reminder of how important it is to look both ways before you cross the road – something he doesn’t do. Don’t mock the Green Cross Man or the Tufty Club; they were right all along.

Anyway. There was some excellent acting from Mr Tennant. He does “manic” pretty well – in Dr Who I’ve sometimes found this aspect of him annoying but here it was a virtue. His character also had a beard, presumably to distance viewer association from his role as the Dr. And he got to use his real Scots accent as well, which must have been nice (we’d only heard snatches of it in “Tooth and Claw”). As Alan we got to see him portray a whole range of emotions and behaviour. There were moments when his actions were totally inappropriate - masturbating himself in the shower in front of a nurse, or commenting on the size of girls’ breasts. His lack of patience and frustration often came to the fore – throwing the Connect 4 set across the room during a family game and yelling, then bursting into tears. Even more upsetting was Alan’s frequent inability to connect emotionally with his wife in the way he had before the accident, having lost much of his long term memory – the song that had so much significance for him and Tricia (“You Do Something To Me” by Paul Weller!) now has little impact and he tells her “No need to get sentimental”. The part when Tricia tries to get through to him by playing the song and Alan repeats that he wants chicken and mayonnaise in his sandwich, totally cut off and oblivious to emotion and his wife’s feelings, was particularly moving. And yet whilst he failed to fully grasp the effect his changed personality was having on others, and was, at times unbearably selfish and cold, one still couldn’t help feeling sorry for Alan, especially his fear that people perceived him as “a basket case”. Trying to carry on as normal but realising that you don’t have all your faculties intact would be hard for anyone.

If David Tennant was convincing then Sarah Parish was even better. I’m sure wives and girlfriends, in fact anyone with a partner, must have fully sympathised with Tricia’s plight and all that she had to put up with. At first she’s remarkably strong, assertive and patient with Alan, helping him to dress, feeding him and reminding him of the basic social niceties, even keeping her cool when the fire brigade are called after Alan accidentally sets fire to the kitchen. She’s the mediator and the one who calms everyone down in the midst of a crisis but it’s clear she has a lot on her plate. On top of that, the realisation that her husband is a radically changed man kicks in more and more. The pain and hurt on Tricia’s face as Alan brutally f*cks her (contrasted with their tender lovemaking of before) is horrible to behold. Gradually her patience and stamina are stripped away, leaving her to confess: “I’m just living with someone who looks like my husband”. She tells Alan “I don’t know you any more…I feel like a f*cking widow anyway…I’m supposed to be someone you love not who just looks after you.” In the end, worn out with her constant exertions and the lack of affection and attention from her psychologically crippled husband, Tricia goes to a bar and starts chatting up as many men as she can. The irony is that telling a bunch of strangers what happened to her and Alan repulses most potential admirers, until she finds one guy for an anonymous f*ck – which ends up being even less satisfying than what she has with Alan. What she really seeks is intimacy (she says to the stranger “I’m Tricia. Who are you?”) but gets much less than that. Throughout all of her ups and downs, Sarah Parish was never less than brilliant in her portrayal of Tricia and is clearly a very gifted actress.

If you’re thinking this all sounds like wrist-slashing material, there is actually light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of her tether, Tricia decides that she and the kids must leave Alan (much to the disgust of Alan’s parents) but in the eleventh hour something clicks with Alan and (and to some degree) he realises the effect he is having on his wife and children. He makes amends with Tricia and the family move to a new home to start afresh.

The ending was pretty realistic and although reasonably uplifting, didn’t try to make out that life would be a bed of roses thereon. It was good to see Alan and Tricia re-evaluating their relationship and giving things another go, whilst acknowledging that there may still be problems ahead.

An extra mention should go to the young actors who played Alan and Tricia’s sons. Both were excellent and particularly good at conveying the confusion and upset children would undoubtedly feel in seeing their father transform into a totally different person, the youngest pre-pubescent son in particular.

All in all an excellent and involving piece of drama and proof that there is life outside the realms of the Whoniverse.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Who's bad?? Me!! Joke of the week #2

Oh dear.

As you will have gathered, I recently announced that I would be posting a weekly joke spot for y'all. However silly old me rather overlooked the fact that I recently deleted most of my existing jokes, meaning that I don't actually have very many that I can draw on. Doh!! What am I like? What am I like, anyway?

So. I am appealing to you, my lovely readers, to send me some choice tidbits of humour, asap!! Please email these to me (you can find my email address on my profile page, darlings...)

By now I'm sure you're all very familiar with my sense of humour. Somewhat smutty. Nefarious. Double-entendre driven. Silly. Slightly surreal. Beverley Craven/marrow fixated.

But I'm an open-minded kind of fellow and can laugh at a lot of things really. So get sending your bestest jokes to me. I'll pick out the best ones and post them up here with a note of acknowledgement of course! Thanking you kindly!!

In the meantime, normal service WILL resume.

Unfortunately as my joke catalogue is currently deplete all I can provide are some slightly dated but nevertheless hilarious Michael Jackson jokes. If you are of a sensitive nature, easily offended or a Michael Jackson fan, these probably WON'T be your tasse du the. In which case, please click off this post NOW. The jokes are very sick and of course play on all the child-molestation stories that have surrounded His Royal Wacko-ness. But that's what made me laugh so much...

Q. Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A. Because they aren't his.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun.

Q. What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A. Throw him a buoy.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A. One is pale and scares kids, the other is a friendly ghost.

Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were half-off.

Q.What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Q. What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?
A. Hanson.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a Ten for two Fives.

Michael and Janet Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and a video tonight?
Michael: Yeah okay, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and a video.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.

Q. What do Michael Jackson and homework have in common?
A. Both are a pain in the arse for kids.

The Pope recently issued a proclamation about Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make Mr Jackson a priest.

The FBI raided Michael Jackson's house. They found Class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5C in his bedroom.

And last but not least...

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
"I'd wait until he's at least 14," the Doctor replies.

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